The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, started out with the AH leaving me a message that he was at work so I was welcome to come hang out at the house for a while. I called back to tell him thanks for being so kind as to invite me to my own home and he started in with the victim attitude again. How it was my choice to leave and he has asked me over and over to come back. No mention of the fact that he has refused all treatment or admission that there is a problem. Never mind the fact that his rage is just below the surface at all times.
I wrote out a paper showing how I thought we should divide the bills up for the next few months until we get something more permanent worked out and was planning to just go by and leave that and get my birds and fish tank out of the house. When I got there, I found that my 2 finches were dead. If one had died, I would just think that it was natural causes but 2 birds of different ages don't just die at the same time unless they were without food or water. They are very tiny little birds and they can go downhill quickly. I know they are just birds but I loved them and took good care of them and I know they suffered. I called him and was crying and asked him what happened to the birds. He played dumb and acted like he had no clue but I know he was probably wasted and went too long between checking on them. I was furious and told him this was why he should have been the one to leave because he doesn't take care of himself much less a home, job, bills family or the pets.
I feel badly because I started to take them when I was there last week but I felt like I was imposing on my parents already by bringing one dog with me. I ended up packing up the other dogs, my fish and all of the equipment that goes with them and bringing them back to my parents with me. I tried to get the cat but she jumped out of the car. My son said he would come by and check on her each day and try to take her home with him.
AH called time after time and left messages that he would never hurt any animal. He is so thick headed that he doesn't get that I'm not saying he set out to do it intentionally but it's just that he is not functional half the time.
After many messages like that, he evidently left work and came home to an empty house. He called and left a voicemail message that I better bring his dogs and the truck back home or he is going to break every bone in my body. He said through gritted teeth that I was messing (he used another word) with the wrong person and he was going to expose me for what I really am.
I'm not worried about being exposed because I don't have many skeletons in my closet. I've actually led a very boring life but I am becoming more worried about my safety. I am going to investigate whether or not I can file a restraing order against him from a verbal threat. I believe the police officer said that I could and that it would help my case because I have called 911 twice because of abuse (physical and verbal) and the fact that he is an alcoholic will only help. I have also researched and it's my understanding that if he contacts me in ANY way during the time that RO is in effect, I can demand he be held for a 72 hour psychiatric evaluation which he desperately needs. If he were held for that length of time, he would definitely go into withdrawls and I believe it might kill him. He barely survivied that last round a couple of months ago. Does it sound terrible to say that I really don't care?
Just wondered if anyone had any experience with threats like this or how to proceed to protect myself.
-- Edited by WornOutMrsFixIt on Monday 20th of August 2012 08:24:24 PM
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Much of the time, this kind of behaviour is just to intimidate but since he has shown aggression in the past, please don't ignore it.
My neighbor killed my two parakeets - I left them with my best friend for one damn day while I had my house fumigated and her 'xxxx' husband who hates all animals set them outside when she left for work -- in the AZ heat.
When my A son goes on a binge, I cringe to think what would happen to his dog if he lived alone. She's an old pit bull and when he's shut up in his room doing his thing, she just lays outside his door day after day. I know he loves her but when the demon alcohol is in control, everything & everyone be damned!!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 20th of August 2012 10:25:05 PM
That doesn't sound terrible at all. I have to admit that I have been checking the obituaries EVERY day to see if my STBXAH has died... It's okay... you're not crazy if you don't care anymore... I'd rather be a widow than have to see him in court for our divorce...
I encourage you to look into that RO, the sooner the better! Be careful and don't second guess your gut. ((((((HUGS!!!!))))))
P.S. The birds may have only died of neglect. When I was growing up we had 2 parakeets... one died a tragic death with the door and the other died days later of depression we think, but her death was basically natural causes directly related to her friends death... Or it could be what your thinking there... you may never know...
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
WOMFI...without delay...do the TRO and I hope you saved that voice mail for the judge to hear after the writer of the TRO application hears it. Take every threat seriously. I am a former Alternatives to Violence Mens case manager and a past violator. When threats like that come his brain is under the influence of adrenalin and whatever and he does loose it to whatever degree. Take yourself out of the bomb zone and get to safety. Do not let denial, doubt, guilt, concern for him or the marriage cause you to get out of the area because your life is in danger and that has no final date on which it is acted out. Have him meet the police and courts and keep that hammer (police, courts, 911 calls, TROs) close at hand. That is from my real life and professional work experience. Let me know if there is other support you think about. Please let MIP know how it goes...for your support. (((((hugs))))) In love and service.
I hope you can go back with a cat carrier -- you can get a cheap cardboard one at a place like PetSmart -- so your cat will be safe and contained in your car. It sounds as if your ex is in very high danger of not feeding animals, and so your cat's relying on you for rescue. He is not a responsible man. Take care of yourself.
