Help. Financial worries. Not passed PhD 1st year and really worried. - Al-Anon Family Group

jitsuka · Senior Member

Help. Financial worries. Not passed PhD 1st year and really worried.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You were sharing the skills you have, but have you branched out from just those? Do you have good organizational skills? Attention to detail etc?

I sure can see you are feeling overwhelmed. Times are very hard! Have you looked at cutting things? Learning to be very frugal? No satellite or cable tv, watch on computer, wash in cold, I know these things sound like nothing but they add up. Refi mortgage? Change car insurance deductibles.

Look at what you are spending on and where can you stop or change? Look at grocery bills, see how you can change that. Instead of buying cans of soup, make your own. Stop the coffees, eating out, buying anything right now.

This is my experience. Not telling ya what to do. On CL there is a discussion that is on the frugal subject.

Its hard being where you are!What I did was write down what I had to do each day. Then when I had done it all, I just stopped and did whatever. All we can do is what we can.'Worrying does no good, in fact it can hurt you. Day at a time. Its ok to do all you can then play with the kids, read, clean the house, clean the garden whatever.

I put an ad in to do yardwork with my pickup. I was busy all summer. Also I took care of pets in peoples homes and also in mine. Every dollar helps. People are thinking about what they can do on their own more. If you have pick up put ads up to deliver stuff for people.

People are always looking for a fix it person they can trust.

Nothing about what you shared is personal or is anything about you failing. The world is a very hard mess. Its no reflection on your person what has happened!

Its hard i think when our spouse is not there for us. We need someone on our side, we need someone to support us. Sounds like there has been some awful drama for you.

I was rereading and thinking we can change how we look at things. The bills will always be there. Right now you have an opportunity to do something different. You can go out and see what options you have. I would look at it more of an exciting time. Something good is coming! Maybe put a smile on your face, be proud for what you did do. Then go out and look at things that may work for you. See if they interest YOU. Be more like,"Hmmmm lets see who would I allow to hire me?" "Where do I want to work, what do I want to do?" Talk to people. they may know ideas too. I don't know where you are but here in ORegon there are many jobs that people go out and gather water and test it for things.

There may be things out there you never thought about. Don't listen about the no jobs thing. There are jobs out there, and the ones who get them are the ones who put energy into it.

My son hires and he can hardly find anyone who wants to really work!

I believe in you. You sound very intelligent and friendly. Trustwothy is so important too!

Hey what your ex put you thru was unforgiveable. Anyone would know it was bolonly as here she allows you to see the kiddo. She needs to go to jail for bearing false witness!

Let us know your progress! sincerely! debilyn

jitsuka · Senior Member

Debilyn wrote:
You were sharing the skills you have, but have you branched out from just those? Do you have good organizational skills? Attention to detail etc?
I sure can see you are feeling overwhelmed. Times are very hard! Have you looked at cutting things? Learning to be very frugal? No satellite or cable tv, watch on computer, wash in cold, I know these things sound like nothing but they add up. Refi mortgage? Change car insurance deductibles.
Look at what you are spending on and where can you stop or change? Look at grocery bills, see how you can change that. Instead of buying cans of soup, make your own. Stop the coffees, eating out, buying anything right now.
This is my experience. Not telling ya what to do. On CL there is a discussion that is on the frugal subject.
Its hard being where you are!What I did was write down what I had to do each day. Then when I had done it all, I just stopped and did whatever. All we can do is what we can.'Worrying does no good, in fact it can hurt you. Day at a time. Its ok to do all you can then play with the kids, read, clean the house, clean the garden whatever.
I put an ad in to do yardwork with my pickup. I was busy all summer. Also I took care of pets in peoples homes and also in mine. Every dollar helps. People are thinking about what they can do on their own more. If you have pick up put ads up to deliver stuff for people.
People are always looking for a fix it person they can trust.
Nothing about what you shared is personal or is anything about you failing. The world is a very hard mess. Its no reflection on your person what has happened!
Its hard i think when our spouse is not there for us. We need someone on our side, we need someone to support us. Sounds like there has been some awful drama for you.
I was rereading and thinking we can change how we look at things. The bills will always be there. Right now you have an opportunity to do something different. You can go out and see what options you have. I would look at it more of an exciting time. Something good is coming! Maybe put a smile on your face, be proud for what you did do. Then go out and look at things that may work for you. See if they interest YOU. Be more like,"Hmmmm lets see who would I allow to hire me?" "Where do I want to work, what do I want to do?" Talk to people. they may know ideas too. I don't know where you are but here in ORegon there are many jobs that people go out and gather water and test it for things.
There may be things out there you never thought about. Don't listen about the no jobs thing. There are jobs out there, and the ones who get them are the ones who put energy into it.
My son hires and he can hardly find anyone who wants to really work!
I believe in you. You sound very intelligent and friendly. Trustwothy is so important too!
Hey what your ex put you thru was unforgiveable. Anyone would know it was bolonly as here she allows you to see the kiddo. She needs to go to jail for bearing false witness!
Let us know your progress! sincerely! debilyn

Thank you for your kind reply. I'm just a bit vulnerable at the moment.

We've been on a bit of a health kick recently actually, I've always enjoyed cooking and find it quite relaxing. Plus making healthy food for the kids shows them good habits. We've started eating as little processed food as possible and cook from scratch at least 3-5 times per week (will be a bit more now haha), plus make our own bread. I can make home-made pizzas (including making the pizza dough), curries, chinese, thai, stews, italian.... so at least that will keep the bills down.

We are used to living a bit frugaly, especially this year, the income drop will be a bit of a pain though. We don't have cable/satellite, the house is quite small so heats up quickly and efficiently, will shower once every 2 days, we've got a new very energy efficient washing machine, the car has been a bit of a drain but is running OK - it's needed for partner to get to work/shopping/travel etc. I don't do starbucks/coffee's (!) and with 2 kids we don't get to eat out much haha :)

My core work skills are the ones I'm concentrating on to get a job what will long-term bring in more money - obviously in the short-term I'll do anything. I can't understand these people who want to sit on the backside and do nothing, collecting their dole money (we have a bit of a generous benefits culture here in UK). As my partner works full-time, I won't be eligible for anything more than the basic benefits I don't think. So we won't be paying the childminder to collect our daughter from school for 2 hours until normal work finishing time (that's another knock on - the childminder will be losing an income too), I'll be taking on more of the domestic duties (which I don't mind). Can't really do anything about the mortgage (it's my partners house that she bought about 15 years ago), recently remortaged slightly so partner could pay off a large amount of debt (cards) that was causing major stress and taking huge amounts of money in charges.

I do have great attention to details skills, I'm quite meticulous and take pride in my work as I feel it reflects on me. I'm numerate and very IT literate, pretty fair at organising things, logical thinking, puzzle solving.

I remain positive though, things will turn out OK.

thank you

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((J)))) I was gonna loan you the slogan Let go and Let God and then read the last line of your second post and am pleasantly grateful that you came with it first. Looks like you weren't far from the solutions at all. Yay and thank you. Sell your crystal ball cause you already know lifes gonna work out for you.

((((hugs)))) smile

jitsuka · Senior Member

Jerry F wrote:

((((J)))) I was gonna loan you the slogan Let go and Let God and then read the last line of your second post and am pleasantly grateful that you came with it first. Looks like you weren't far from the solutions at all. Yay and thank you. Sell your crystal ball cause you already know lifes gonna work out for you.
((((hugs))))

Thank you, the support on this place humbles me, it really does :)

... bit of good news, found out today that I've been given 3 months money for writing up (probably guilt money from the department for the absolutely appalling supervision I've been given, plus it doesn't look too good for the uni to show people have failed), so that takes off the immediate pressure.

I'll still be intensively looking for jobs.

My supervisors attitude is totally laissez faire / could not give a toss. Charming eh. Well she's not going to have anyone working for her next year whilst she's on mat leave and Karma will no doubt bite her. Her problem.

At least my other supervisor is good at writing (he writes undergrad text books / chapters for other books) and will supervise me, I'm moving to his laboratory/section for this, and his lab are all a good bunch of people!

jitsuka · Senior Member

Hi everyone

Things are going OK. I'm coming to terms with the change in my studies, but just got to get on with it.

I'm happy applying for jobs and I've cold contacted (networking!) some people in different institutes with my CV, had good feedback with that they are putting in grant applications and will keep me in mind/to contact them.

... the only thing is my partners drinking. It's every evening that she is quite UI. I'm worried the kids will notice it.

How do you talk to someone who 'isn't there' as they are so UI. My boundaries mean I will not interact with such a person - I'm under enough stress at the moment as it is and my partners drinking is just piling on top of that. I seriously think I'm starting to become depressed too - I've noticed that I've started drinking a bit more frequently too now.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.