The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my mind, I have my wonderful loving husband whom I adore, and his evil twin... the addict.. who comes homes in his place every now and then.
Last night, the addict came to visit, but as he hadn't been here for a while, he was on his best behaviour.
I came home to a stoned husband. This means that all plans for the evening are cancelled. Music turned up, not listening to anything, in his own little world.
The addict on his best behaviour decides to tell me he has smoked (when I taste the metal from the pipe on his lips from a quick kiss I know anyway), and says it was just a little one cos he felt like it.
Me.. wife of loving husband, enemy of addict (hahaha), wants to say "so you are now again disrespecting my boundary of not smoking when we are spending time togethr". Instead loving wife says... I am going for a dip in the spa and proceeds to do so with a book.
Nothing more is said, my parents are visiting so they come up the stairs (granny flat downstairs) and make dinner. He doesn't eat, he sits and watches TV while we eat around him. they leave to watch their TV shows, addict starts to nibble on other food. I watch TV and play on my phone. Text a friend. I am tired and not happy wiht my boundary being pushed.
I didn't get angry. I communicated with him when I had to. He was in a great mood but I do feel that the addict paid a visit, and I prefer my husband.
I am in a bit of limbo to see when he comes back and who is around for the next few days. Either way, today I have a friend coming to visit, my parents are here, I am working in a good job, I have a fantastic house, I am due to go on a long overseas holiday soon..... I will be ok
(((Oksie)))...flex those muscles!! You've done good by yourself girl!! You can tell which one is with you and respond appropriately. You've got a map of your own life that goes mostly straight ahead whether he is on the trail or not. You've got confidence and balance and more. Thanks for the 12th step. ((((hugs))))
I hear detachment amongst all sorts of other alanon tools in play. Good job! The most frustrating thing about the addict/husband scenario (to me at least) is that one moment when the husband is still there but picks up the 1st drug or drink and lets the addict in. I think that's why one of the biggest things in AA and NA is to stay away from the first one.
In either case, you are doing your best with what you have got (You!).
It keeps getting better. Sending love and support :) Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
