The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night my AH was excited by the preseason game. His comment, last year I didn't get excited about football because we were fighting all the time...
I bit my tongue. Even if he hadn't been drinking I would have bit my tongue. WE were not fighting, you were acting like a huge gigantic jerk, ALL THE FLIPPING TIME.
For all the amazing progress, I find myself on edge. I think this means I need to read more, and work a little more on the let go and let God. If I'm processing my own feelings correctly I'm struggling because my birthday is Tuesday. Last year he totally and completely forgot the day. I had to tell him what the day was. Then when I tried to talk to him he turned it around and blamed me. We have come a very long way since then. Yet I'm still in a place of fear. This is not healthy and clearly I need to work on this. Any ESH?
Someone told me once blame is like a hot potato. Im glad you were able to stop the game.
Typical alcoholic behavior, brought on by who knows what, guilt, not wanting to take responsibility for the drinking, and turning it around on you. Its called the Big D, Denial. My XA once blamed me for the rain that happened on our vacation in Acapulco. He got his clothes wet, poor thing.
My X A gave me false power over his life. I was put into position of being the boss, "except over his drinking", I was powerless as all of us are. It was confusing. I really think that Alcoholics come from a place of guilt, It infects their life.
I dont understand when you say your coming from a place of fear.
As far as your Birthday, I would have no expectations. Make plans for your Birthday and if he decides to celebrate with you, great. I had many Birthdays spoiled because the XA was drunk, I would have rather spent it in a different way with happy people.
Anyway Happy Birthday and put another candle on your Birthday Cake. Luv, Bettina
Afraid that he'll forget again. I know that I'm not supposed to have expectations, and I'm trying to let go of mine. I have plans, lunch tomorrow, dinner Sunday night, a day trip for Tuesday, dinner with my parents Thursday night. I definitely know how to celebrate my birthday
You got blamed for the rain on vacation? Wow this really is a crazy disease!!!
I had a realization at lunch today, and I think I figured out why I'm having such a hard time, and it has nothing to do with my AH. This will be the first birthday without my Grandmother, and she always made this day very special for me. I think I've been trying to avoid this, and that's why I've been in the place I've been.
Yes he forgot my birthday, and that hurt my feelings. But I have already made plans to celebrate and they are all optional for him, he knows this. My emotions are actually over something else, which realizing that I've literally felt lighter since lunch.
