The material presented
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Hello and welcome , we have a slogan here that got me thru alot of nasty days This too shall pass . believe it or not it does .Your never going to go thru the same thing at the same time with the same people ever again tomorrow will be better . Easy Does it means to slow down focus on yourself and your kids , enjoy them while you can , house work will wait another day .. Perhaps there is a day care near you that would take your kids for a few days , it will cost a little but your worth it or maybe a nanny service in your area can step in for while . One day at a time there is nothing we can't do . Louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Thursday 16th of August 2012 08:13:08 PM
I don't know how to cope any more. The stress of getting my husband to rehab and the years of the rollercoaster that comes with living with my AH have shattered me. Now that he is away and I am here trying to run my business and look after my two kids who are 1 and 3. The youngest is teething so I get no sleep at night and she is very needy during the day. My domestic helper's mom died and she will be away indefinitely so I am literally on my own here. I absolutely lost control tonight and after screaming at my kids I ended up on the floor of my study crying uncontrollably. I don't know how to keep it together for my kids any more
You are not alone and many here, myself included can truly relate to what you experienced. If you need immediate support and are not up to caring for your children, can you call a friend or family member to help, If not there are child service agencies in your community that can assist. Your Dr can helpas well , Please reach out
. Coming here late at night helped me. I would read the posts, feel connected and then visit chat and connect in live chat It really helped
You are not alone and there is hope Just be gentle with yourself, live one day at a time and try repeating the serenity prayer when you feel overwhelmed.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. While he is gone and I know this will sound completely crazy but go do something really fun with the kids. Go to a park, get ice cream for dinner, see a movie, whatever you can do. Just take your mind off of it for as long as you can it will help I promise. You might start the moment feeling totally against having fun, but eventually you'll get into it and be ok even if it's just for a couple of hours.
I agree about reaching out to anyone. Get a teenager to watch the kids and go get coffee or see a friend. Hugs to you!
Kismet - You have permission to ask for help. I suggest talking to the folks at his rehab about help for you that may be available. Not sure if you have any other supports available - alanon is also good for that. Folks will walk you through this because they have been there.
((((kismet)))) Those are real hugs...cause I've been there and done that until I heard from the people in Al-Anon who made some of the suggestions you have gotten here. Pickchip says you have the right to ask for help and I learned not only that and...I have the ability to ask for help and learned how thru others demonstrations to "ask for help" ...stop what it was I was doing and ask others in recovery to guide me thru something different. Enablers first focus is on doing it all and all by oneself and that is how I got soooo insane. For me where you are at is first three step solution...without interference. I had to focus on the wisdom of those first three steps...Powerless yes; unmanageable Yes, InsaNe YeeeeSsss, Surrender to Higher Power and therefore Greater Help...YES OF COURSE!! or else the consequence was the floor or the closet in a panic...totally in fear and bawling like it was a career decision. If I fear it I can give it wide and deep power...When I can surrender it and get supported by HP and others HP puts beside me it won't have near the power to take me out and laying on the floor is being taken out. I was given an acronym for fear that works very well and often for me when I remember what it means for me...F alse E vidence A ppearing R eal. That tells me that my head is painting scary pictures and my emotions are beginning to accept them as the real thing when its only pictures without evidence. This disease if powerful enough to take over the neurological system...when you are by yourself...when you have others it ain't so powerful. Time to practice letting go as a daily diet of change along with practicing the reaching out for help. The first time I remember actually asking out loud for help was in my early Al-Anon meetings and it didn't sound like me...it sounded strange and detached and at the same time my brain was telling me "Do it!! or die..." Keep coming back...((((hugs))))...more real hugs...
I definitely felt absolutely wrung out and spent to pieces when I had to deal with the now ex A. Anyone would. Can you get temporary help from somewhere like Craig's list? Is there someone else who can come in and help you out.
I went to the doctors and got antidepressants. I resisted that for years but I have to say they help a lot.
I hope you are able to get practical help and give yourself a break. I did plenty of crying when I was around the ex A. I also did plenty of screaming and yelling too. None of us are perfect. I no longer scream and yell but I have to say I am no longer in so much stress and chaos either. There is help in reaching out and getting understanding.
If it makes you feel any better, I did the same thing when my husband was in rehab . It was a terrible day. I was having a thyroid issue and I went in for a sonogram and the doctor called and said that I needed to come in for a biopsy because they had found a nodule. Happily, in the end it turned out okay. Also, I was juggling money from one account to another to pay a large car insurance bill and accidentally wrote the check on a closed account so I overdrew the checking account by $2,000. I just sat in the floor and cried until I was gasping for air. I have never felt more alone in my life. The next morning I called the bank and got it straightened out and they took pity on me and didn't charge me since I took care of it so quickly. Keep doing the best you can.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Thanks everyone. I woke this morning feeling calm and ready... like a blank canvas with brush poised. Today has been a much better day and my breakdown last night seems to have released a lot of anxiety and negativity. My youngest daughter only woke me up at 3am so I managed to get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep which has certainly helped too. I think I hit rock bottom last night and the only way to go now is up :)
Thanks for the support... knowing that your experiences are not extreme or freakishly unique is a balm that soothes the soul.
I just sat in the floor and cried until I was gasping for air. I have never felt more alone in my life. The next morning I called the bank and got it straightened out and they took pity on me and didn't charge me since I took care of it so quickly. Keep doing the best you can.