The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi!
I was here several years ago when I was married to an A who was also a cocaine addict. Looong story short... I left him and divorced him and have completely moved forward in my life. I met someone new and have a fantastic relationship with him and we're planning to get married sometime next year.
My fiance's sister, lets call her Kay, is married to an A (I've heard he also does a variety of drugs). Kay has stayed with him and protected him, enabled him for about 32 years or so. Apparently he threatens her anytime she talks about leaving. Yesterday, he tried to choke her, she called the police and had him arrested, and as they were hauling him away, he kept saying something like "you're dead" or "I'll kill you." I don' know, I wasn't there.
So, Kay is packing up her stuff and leaving the A. She has one daughter who lives in town who is helping her with this. The question is where she should stay. I'm afraid if she stays with us or her daughter, the A will come looking for her and/ or retaliate by smashing windows or some other form of property damage. There is a women's shelter in town too.
I know who he is, but have never spoken to him or even met him. He is not allowed in our home. He's so far gone, he wanders around carrying on conversations with himself, complete with dramatic hand gestures, most of which sounds like grunts and mumbles. I live with my fiance and we live in a very small town, so i see him in our neighborhood often. The A has threatened to kill both his son-in-law and my fiancé if Kay ever left him. I doubt he'd follow through, or even be able to follow through, but you never know.
I thought this kind of fear was way behind me. Now I'm worried he'll do something to our home or our cars and especially to my fiance. It's really not up to me where the sister stays, since im not really even family yet. Can we notify the police ahead of time and have them keep an eye on our place? Can we get a restraining order? I have a feeling that the police in our tiny twon all know the A ..and think he's just a harmless, funny drunk guy. Ugh.. don't like this.. it brings up all the fear and emotion I went through with my ex.
Sorry for rambling on...
Artygirl
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Wow....sorry Arty, that you have to relive the horrors of aism.
I think the shelter would be the best place for her to stay for awhile.He would be less likely to go there then to go to your house or daughters house....I would think. They also have probably dealt with these things alot and would be more able to handle it with the police if he went there to find her.
Keep yourself safe and I hope she keeps herself safe and finds the help she needs.
Oh, I'm so glad you will all be able to rest a bit easier until your family to be is able to work out the details. Sometimes we do just need to let HP do the work.
