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My husband over the last year has quit drining, but never said forever or surrendered.....months of no drinking, then drinks and ends up being ugly for our marriage. This time he has told me he knows he can never drink again. I know the importance of support during recovery, but I am reluctant. Why should I expet a different result. His drinking have not relapses. Any thoughts would be great.
As long as you have a program and working on yourself and recovery, it pretty much doesnt matter what he's doing. Drinking or not, its his disease. We have the disease of being affected by the disease of alcoholism. It seems to be affecting your life ,as you said he was ugly at the marriage and Im sure that was upsetting.
I dont know who told you that you need to be supportive during recovery. Its his recovery and he needs to support himself thru it. While you work on your own.
My thoughts are that you should join Alanon and get some support and learn about the disease of alcoholism.
((((aloha)))) and knowing the support of recovery is what you're doing here...getting support for your own recovery and that is what Al-Anon is all about since finding out that I am powerless over others. The only thing I can even hope to have power over is myself and ever since I was a wee lad that is what everyone wanted of me...self discipline...now I get it!! Be supportive for yourself...add Al-Anon and MIP into your support system and he can be responsible for himself which has been his job from the start...right. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I think the best way you can be supportive is to gently encourage him to go to AA, work his own program and get a sponsor. You don't want to have to say it too many times; if he is open to it, he will do it. But then go back to taking care of yourself, because he either will or won't do what he needs to do to recover. This is a very draining disease and I learned it was too much for me to try to take any kind of responsibility for my husband's recovery. Wishing you the best, nyc
Thanks for your responses.....I am a recovering Alcoholic and I know how important family support was for my recovery. I have not given ultimatums...I have set my boundaries...He has to do it. I am just tired and if this time he does do it and works a program, I still feel reluctant to be supportive...I am taking care of myself. It is so weird to be on the other end.
When someone is really wanting to recover - you don't have to do much to support them. Just keep a positive attitude and be cordial. For me, I didn't need cheerleaders...When I was ready to stop drinking, I was going to do it whether single, married, divorced, gay...whatever. His recovery isn't contingent upon you as you know that yours is not contingent upon him right? Detachment is hard to practice when you are in the program and you can see someone's BS from miles away (or at least it seems like that). You have my thoughts and prayers as another double winner.
So true - just so ironic how the table were flipped years ago. I do hear and see the BS, but it is pointless to point out......thus detaching is hard...practice, practice, practice....one day at a time:)
When I am supportive and affirming, self-caring with myself and get my own support, I can be there for my alkies. Just only making sure, as well, that they don't drain me, either. me first.
Allie
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Alanon is about self-care, not caring for the alcoholic.
