The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I blocked my STBXAH from facebook after "the event that changed everything"... and I am finding myself wondering if he has said anything on facebook. I want to unblock him just so I can stalk his facebook page - but I know that I'd have to wait 24 or 48 hours before I could block him again... I also want to send him a text message just to see how he will respond to me but I cut his phone off last week so that's no even possible... But I thought the healthiest thing to do would be to just post on here and get it out.... I am struggling! I don't want to be with him by any means... there is no turning back... but I can't just turn off my feelings... I think I'd feel better if he were just dead... Then I wouldn't have to wonder all these crazy things! The prosecutors office hasn't done anything yet because during the forensic interview she didn't talk about him at all and of course they can't ask because that would be leading, so they set up an interview with my older 2 children... meanwhile... he jumped ship and moved a few hours away... Ugh! (PS... my daughter is fine... @ 3 years old, I guess not much bothers them...)
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
Posting here is great. It's very had to not sit and worry about what our A is thinking or doing. This board has helped me on many occasions from crossing that line into a person I don't want to be.
Do you have access to a F2F AlAnon meeting tonight? If not, a doctor, pastor or counselor you can get in touch with? You are going through so much right now. You and your children are in for a lot of healing. It would help to have someone there to get you through it.
Lots of hugs to you!
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~Kat
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. ~Voltaire
Well Mandy - I'd just like to be the first to say, that your decision to post here, as opposed to obsess over Facebook - is a wise one, and shows how far you have come in YOUR recovery.... There is NO value in the Facebook option, and it is really like going to search for bottles - a waste of precious time and energy....
Toby writes about that "secret shame" (of sometimes wishing our A's were dead, so that could stop having all this pain) - and I definitely felt that way as well, so you are not alone on that one....
The best "revenge" is to get yourself healthy, and live a wonderful & fulfilling, happy life...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
wonderful ESH .. the best thing my STBAX did for me was block me from FB. Not that he even needed to, .. I'm so glad he did because it eliminates the temptation to even try and look. Plus it really shows HIS colors as far as what he does post. I've gotten a few text about what he's said and the last one that came through I let her know I have a great atty and God is good. It only shows his hinney.
I have my own set of dark fantasies that I could write my own crime book about, you know what .. it's ok to have those feelings because it's out of the pain that I feel that I have them .. it's more important just to know that moment is going to pass and let it be at that. I will revisit some specific scenario from time to time and have a good laugh I have 3 that are go to's for me and I get a good giggle out of them. I also figure if I haven't acted on them I'm healing .. progress not perfection .. fire to the truck is a big big big one for me .. LOL!! I also know I wouldn't act on them as well .. you know it would make a great play or a good book .. I have to keep that in mind and put some of those from pen to paper.
What Tom said about living well truly is the best revenge. Take care of you and keep your side of the street clean. It's all going to get better. You get to be a superstar in your own program of healing and living your life on life's terms that's a pretty fantastic place to be!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
