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We are going threw a financial rough patch at the moment. We have not bought food in over a month. I eat breakfast every morning thanks to wonderful back yard chickens. We have killed a few and put them in the freezer too. But i have gone 2 weeks without eating lunch at work and being sick everyday because of it. I dont take food to work so that i will have something to cook for dinner every night. even if its just ramin noodles with left overs added in for a meal. He mentioned going to the store today and i told him i had no money. All money goes to gas a bills. He said he had it and would buy some groceries. we go to the store and he buys two bottles of vitamins some gas for the lawn mower and and a pack of beer!!!! I bought a .97 pack of toilet paper. I said nothing at all. just went home and mowed the yard while he weeded 1/2 of what he was suppose to and then drank. I feel like telling him that it upsets me a bit that we have to go with out food because i dont have any money but that he continues to buy beer and cigarettes!!! Is it even worth bringing up?
Yes. We all need to eat. Use I feel words without judging him or putting him down in anyway, but you definately have a human basic right to eat and you are displaying that you have no boundaries or needs by saying nothing. Just don't make it a fight. Good luck. Maybe you can sign up for a local pantry or food stamps based on your income.
I am sorry that you are doing without. I do understand. I know that when living with the disease of alcoholism I developed very destructive tools to live by as I tried to survive the continued assault on my mental, spiritual and physical well being. One of the tools I used was pretending I had no needs and that everything was OK. I could make due with very little ---NOT true!!! I also made myself invisible and supported all the madness my husband wanted to do in order to keep the peace. I think I see you doing a few of the same things.
You could mention that the shopping trip did not purchase food for the week and that you were disappointed. Then suggest a Plan B for the next time. Making a shopping list made up by both of, you money for food spent before beer and cigs. etc.
Validating ourselves is very difficult but essential when living with this disease.. I like the suggestion of Food Stamps of Food Pantry Check it out
I also wonder what he is eating? If you each get, say, $2 for dinner, and he's chosen beer for his $2, I hope you are not giving him some of your food that should be keeping you going.
Please take good care of yourself. I agree about the Plan B.
his boss pays for his lunch everyday just as he dose with everyone that works for him. He is in logging right now. so he dose not come home hungry like i do. He asked what i was going to fix tonight and i told him that there really wasn't much of a choice. He replied "yeah that's true" we went in the kitchen together and looked. there was some burritos in the freezer that was already open. He did offer me some but i told him i didn't like burritos. He ate those and after he went to bed i had some yogurt. The state says that i make to much money to get insurance and because i am over 21 and with out children I do not qualify for state insurance so im sure the same would apply for food stamps. they do not count most of my bills because they are not necessities. I own more than one car. but one is my everyday car the other is a dually truck and trailer that i cant sell because it has a lien on it. Most of my bills I incurred before I moved out of my parents house and i regret a lot of them most are credit cards that i do not use anymore. the pantry here gives out food on mondays at 8am. I have to be in the next town over by 7:30 to get him to work and then backtrack to get myself to work. Should i still bring it up tomorrow even though it is already done and over with or should i wait for something like that to happen again and then point it out? I dont want him to feel like i am telling him what to do with his money.
Are you living in cooperation or is it "Every man for himself" in your household? In the relationships I've known, people help each other out and share the money, especially if one person is actually going without food. I wonder what kind of relationship it is where he doesn't show any concern that you're literally starving and you don't feel you can ask your own partner to share resources with you. Why would you drive him to work which means giving up on food for the week, if he doesn't even share his money or food with you? That's a serious question (not that you have to reply to us, just to think about). If you had a child, wouldn't you get food from the food bank for your child, rather than let your child starve and drive your partner to work? We all have to take care of ourselves as if we are our own precious children. What I see is both of you taking care of him to the exclusion of the other person who needs help.
I hope you can get to an Al-Anon meeting too. Self-care is fundamental. You deserve someone who takes good care of you. There are many tools for difficult situations. Hugs.
You can get food stamps without kids but not medical. You may have to tell them you live alone to income qualify so they don't combine both your incomes. There are foodstamp calculators for every state on line. Look it up and see where your income falls. I know that I have drawn them in Illinois and Indiana while drawing unemployment. They will take in consideration your rent and utilities but that's it. It is at least worth looking into.
I drive him to work because he pays half of the bills. He gives me 20 a week for gas. he was driving a scooter to work but it broke down. He dose not want to fix it because he gets his license back this month. When we moved in we agreed to split everything 50/50. we would go to the store together and then split it at the check out. i went to the store by myself last time and spent 30 on food. that did not last long and i dont even think he knows i went and bought food. I guess he feels that if im not spending money on food then he doesn't have to either but I'm not totally sure. I really want to bring it up but i keep going over it in my head and i cant think of way that doesn't seem like im nagging or starting an argument.
I would just simply speak to hiim as you have to us.
Saying I am hungry every day and have no food to eat is just a true statement. Then offer a solution -- I would like to set up a shopping plan that would make sure we both have enough food to eat every day. Noodles, Hamburger Helper,Mac and Cheese go a long way. Try to discuss a menu that would be cheap and doable'.
Good luck
PS It is not nagging to be honest about your physical needs
