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Vacation with my mom was great the kids and I had an amazing time and I am so grateful that I was able to do that with them. My mom and I had a great time together lots of laughs and enjoyment. I actually miss her and was pretty emotional when we left.
We are back and back to reality. It has not been an easy transition back. There was a minor emergency while I was gone, my eldest kitty passed away, the heat was awful and son of a gun we wound up with fleas bad fleas so finally Monday I will be able to go home and stay home. I have someone coming in to spray. Literally the kids go back to school on Wednesday. I have to continue conversations with my atty on Monday, headed out to college and I can't remember if I mentioned I decided what I wanted to be when I grow up a paralegal. I'm able to get certified pretty quickly so we'll see. There are 3 other errands to run.
When we came home the kids were suppose to stay with their dad of course you can imagine that did NOT happen. He saw them one time and during that short time spent an hour on the phone. Now .. there are a few things I get .. that is none of my business, however it really tells me how sick he is. Paradoxically how sick I still am that I"m plugging into this. There is more to it than that I won't even bore with the details. I am beyond furious and I'm honestly trying to figure out if it's expectations I have out of someone who can't give on a level I think they should, if I am in denial over how sick he really is? I'm just at a loss as to how to process through what I am feeling at the moment. It's all coming in at me and I just want to react instead of respond. BTW I did do just that I'm furious with myself although I'm slowing down a bit because you know it is just going to be what it is, I'm participating in a program that is progress not perfection.
I had to laugh he's crying the blues about money, has enough to go out on a date, he can't keep the kids for 7 days. He has decided he needs to get a cat, he's been taking care of our two .. he gets credit on that one. I have to give him he stepped up to the plate. However, he can't see his kids for 7 days after not seeing them for 20+ days because he'd rather have a cat! In a place he told the kids he couldn't have pets, .. WOW. That must be an expectation on my part of all this .. I expected him to put his focus on the kids and he is so checked out he just can't .. here I sit going ohhh sure he can meet those needs .. good luck .. LOL!!
Needless to say I'm feeling pretty angry and while I know I need to let it go and let god .. I'm only seeing red.
Being in the middle of all this crap with the divorce I am really trying to focus on me however boy oh boy it sure makes it hard. I know I don't have to have as much contact as I do and it's becoming more and more limited .. it's amazing to see what he thinks he should have to do for the kids. I am sooooo grateful that the kids are enrolled in their school. That came off with a wing and a prayer. It's all fine and things are getting better. It's hard to watch it proceed so slowly.
Anyway, wish me luck, I have 7 aces left up my sleeve and I am very grateful for those. I am playing the cards as necessary and trying to do so in a manner that I'm taking the high road as much as I want to roll around in the mud!!
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The hardest thing I ever learned was how to answer the question "why are you expecting him to be someone different"? That was asked of me in my therapy sessions repeatedly when I would get angry and caught up in wanting my ex to be something he can't. It's so hard to let go of but until we do, it hurts us, not them. I'm now at the point where I just go "that's how he is" when other people ask why he does the things he does.
Hugs, having kids in the mix makes it harder for us to detach. It's a long process.
welcome home! I am so glad you had a good time on your trip.
I know I should not be shocked but I always am when I read of parents not interacting with thier children or having higher priorities. I do not have children but my niece, nephew and pets often win out over my own needs or wants ... not always but often.
I understand your anger but the situation is probably one you can not change. And maybe in some ways it is for the best. Luckily your kids have you and your relatively sane guidance to help them along the ups and downs of interacting with Aism's. Keep trying to let go, offer it up to your HP and appreciate what you are able to.
That whole let go and let God thing is really a hard one for me to swallow, on a funny karmic note. I received a phone call at 10pm last night informing me by my son that he'd just gotten done throwing up everywhere. The majority part of me feels sorry for my son .. there is a little part of me that doesn't feel sad for his dad. I guess he had gone to bed, left the kids to fend for themselves and they did, .. whatever junk they ate while there all came up. Little man has a fussy tummy always has and just can't tolerate large amounts of anything. Well I had a good laugh to myself, .. I'm kind of certain there is going to be a lovely orange stain on the carpet of the place he is "renting". Which I am so grateful I don't have to deal with and it's not my business. I will admit that I was wondering does their dad think I'm picking them up because #1 son is sick? #1 daughter is way to funny for her own good. Anyway, he just wanted someone to hear his story which I did and I let him go after that, I did ask my daughter to make sure he brushes his teeth so I'm hoping that happened at least .. lol. Just for measure while I was on the phone and on his own decided it was a good time to go and wake his dad again and ask him to feel his forehead .. mom wanted to know if he needed to go to the hospital (there is a running family joke about that one). I can only HOPE that his dad doesn't decide to medicate our child as he's almost killed both kids on 2 different occassions with his thought process. There was such a BIG reason I did not keep medicine in the house and if I did I had it well hidden.
I do know there was no way I was taking him to the hospital if he needed to go .. dad was there he could do that, and there was no way if D was sick that I was picking him up from his dad's as .. this is what parents do they care for their kids, in sickness and in health. The last time D got sick I was informed I should have never sent him to his dad's house by dad .. I laughed and said welcome to parenthood deal with it.
Anyway, I listened and watched a dvd by a guy who's name is Andy Andrews (The Traveler's Gift, and many other books), it was the 7 decisions .. boy that guy can talk and what a message. It was such a clear consise message about personal responsibility, what that means and how it affects us and so on. Responsibility = Hope and choices. I will have to post more when I have my notes it was sooo good. I want to read the book now.
Wish me luck I'm off to the house to let the spray guy in and hope that will be the last of the flea situation.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
My flea story: I lived in a place that had really bad fleas, hate flea spray, tried flea powder and hate the thought of those chemicals doing unseen damage that shows up years later in some form of disease or another. I noticed that they were easy to spot riding around on my white socks. So..... I started sitting down on the floor every day several times a day and picking fleas off my socks. They can't swim so I would pick them off my socks, put them in a glass of water with a bit of soap, and flush them down the toilet. Eventually I stopped getting fleas on my socks; occasionally I had to return to my efforts as new eggs hatched. But I got rid of my fleas, didn't poison myself or the planet and ended up with a weird story to tell. I had WebTV at the time (anybody remember that one?) and would chat with my daughter - she would ask, whatcha doin? Pickin fleas! HUH??? it was funny enough for me.
I still find myself processing anger at my ex. I don't think anger is necessarily bad, I think the occasional reminder of why we aren't with them can be useful. It helps steel my resolve. For me one reason for deeper anger towards my ex than would be a stranger is he is SO condemning of MY life and actions and I can't ever have a conversation with him without him criticizing and insulting me, hitting MY buttons; and it gets to me because I don't go there and he is such a child, babyass, king turd, bully BSer, etc and so on; I go away, process it, let it disipate, have less and less contact with him because I recognize that I don't like the way it feels to be brought back into fighting mode. I thankfully, did not have any children with him, we still go rounds about the motorcycle - i think he should pay for it if its his, lol - I can imagine how it is for you though, having to keep dealing with him because of the children.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I still don't understand WHY fleas are attracted to white socks, LOL! I remember wearing black socks one summer just to keep the fleas from biting my ankles!
Pushka, I do think it's funny that D threw up and didn't get to the bathroom in time. I wonder what this AM looks like right now? My sister is struggling with her s*x addict husband and he's supposedly going to be flying to his parents in NC, picking up their beater car, driving it to visit his brother in FL, and then driving it to CO to get back in time for them to meet with the bank for the bankruptcy proceedings. He has no money, no job, and has made no plans to see his kids before he leaves. His parents are paying for his plane ticket but he has to pay for all his other expenses. My sister is so ticked off because she has no income right now and he's spending good money to get a car that isn't even guaranteed to make it 500 miles at this point, LOL. And, she has finally taken the stance of: he's going to do what he's going to do, I've got to take care of the kids and myself.
You're doing a great job, girl. I know it's hard and it's been a real pain to readjust to being home but it will all come together. And, it's OK if you're seeing red. Sometimes we need to get angry because it motivates us to hold our position, to stay strong, and to stand up for what's right. Hugs!
I'm soooo hoping that someone spraying now and in three weeks will do the trick .. I have spent a lot of money on bombs and powders it works we haven't been here for me to really follow up on it. So that is kind of on me. At least though knowing someone is going to spray that will make a HUGE difference and it will knock it all out in one fell swoop.
I also agree on the whole issue of anger .. for years I never even acknowledged I was angry and everyone knew I was .. lol .. except me of course, .. well what happened .. depression and I do not want to go down that road again. Yes, I may be angry right now and that's ok .. it helps move furniture and as I evolve I will be better able to move furniture and not need to hold on to the anger so long. I mean I can say I'm angry at the moment, it's just a feeling and it's a justifiable anger and it's going to pass thank you God.
It's also a part of grief and grieving and watching my children go through what I did, my past is slamming into my present and I don't like that feeling at all. There is a LOT going on at the moment and it's all going to work out and I'm very very grateful for it. You know the fleas are a pain in the butt .. it's kind of a God thing too and I know that is the most bizzaro thing to say at the moment it is soooo true. The kids are gone off and on all week when they come home my house will be more organized than when we left. For that .. that's a good thing. So I think it was God's way of saying .. you know I know this sucks right now however you know you need to do this and it's going to feel soooo good when you are done. I'm thinking, .. yes, .. it is .. and I am actually grateful for the fleas. Procrastination is so not my friend and fleas are really letting me know this in a big way!!
Tomorrow evening we will all be together and getting ready for the first day of school that is so awesome it's not even funny. I also have meeting in the AM and PM .. THAT is even better!!! So it will be such a fun evening for the kids and I. I will be so excited to take them to school and spend my day getting even more done. I'm getting my resume together as well as getting myself ready for school. So things are coming together as quickly as they can, and that will continue to be a good thing.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
white socks works because the contrast of black flea body against white sock makes em easy to see......
__________________
I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Welcome home!sorry about your cat and all that you had to deal with. I'm glad your kids are in the school you all want! That's always a relief!
I understand your feelings for him not meeting the needs of the kids. I've seen in it both alcoholic and non alcoholic relationsips going through separation. I will do my best to not make it a gender thing because I don't think it is - I think it's just a "relationship" thing. People fall into certain modes of behavior and think they don't have to do any more - someone else will be there to take care of the rest. That one I do know on so many levels. I'm sure the alcoholism only makes it 1000 times stronger.
Sending you strength. It sounds like your are doing well inspite of the challenges.
sane guidance to help them along the ups and downs of interacting with Aism's. Keep trying to let go, offer it up to your HP and appreciate what you are able to.