Thank you... I know it's a progressive disease. It probably doesn't help that he has been diagnosed with severe OCD as it is. My bad health is due to a different progressive disease, but his drinking certainly doesn't help. I feel phsyical pain when I know he's out drinking and I have tried to tell him but he thinks I'm making it up or trying to guilt him.

A few months ago we had the biggest breakthrough yet. He said he was done putting his liver through all that, and he even told his friends and family he wanted to put down the bottle. Then he hit his summer break from university and he picked it right back up. I reminded him about what he'd said (about stopping) and he said "That was before summer." He said he feels trapped when he can't drink. I've been lying to my family about it, because they are very religious and I don't want them to think bad of him. They would if they knew he drank at all, let alone the reality of the situation. The few friends I have, if I even mention it to them they just go "Get out while you still can, you don't need that." I love him, more than anything, and I know there's someone inside of him that loves me just the same, I just need to find out how to get to that person again. He shows through sometimes, but it's becoming less and less, like he's shutting me out, and it's scaring the dickens out of me.

 

"The some one inside..."  I relate and was taught by my Al-Anon sponsor to understand that I had "a wife" and "an alcoholic" so that I knew the difference when one or the other was present.  No the disease of alcoholism won't be helpful to your condition...It will make it worse as your mind, body, spirit and emotions are stressed to the limit.  While you are at it check out the AFG.org World Service Organization site and get a list of the literature available and also the slogans so that you can memorize them, keep them in mind and practice them daily.   "Let go and Let God" is a biggee for me because it helps me reach out for help for myself to a power greater than myself who I understand to be God.  "Easy Does it" helps me to relax and not try to control and direct things outside of myself especially other people who don't wanna do what I want them to do...It also helps me to get off of "What iffing".  "Don't React" is a major slogan along with "When in doubt...DON'T (make major decisions)".    Lets see what the others come up with.  (((hugs)))

 

 

I learned that under the influence of alcohol absolutely good people will do absolutely unacceptable things. What surely seems to be the manipulations in this cunning, powerful and baffling disease employing mental and emotional abuses are clearly here.  I am a former behavioral health substance abuse/alcoholism therapist and what you are going thru and how you're responding to it is sooo normal for this abnormal way of behaving.  Just for you..."you don't have to respond the way you are responding which is getting you the negative consequences you are getting."  "There is no law anyway that says you gotta do it that way...look at your post and read it as if someone else had written it.   You are negatively affected by his drinking and carousing and then when he ask you to look up for the bars that are around his hotel while he is in a foreign country your response is finding him one which makes you even more sick and angry both at him and more at yourself...this is our compulsion and addiction and when we don't stop it we get as sick or sicker than them.  The MIP membership (Al-Anon) post contains soooo many resolutions to this problem.  We learn not to "enable" our and their disease to continue and get worse.  When we say "no" that is actually a complete sentence.  We are not condeming them to death by saying "no" we are giving our own hearts, heads, spirits and emotions a chance to breathe and detach from their responsiblilty for their condition.  If I don't do that I am enabling it to get worse and progress.

Read your posts as if you were someone else in your condition and she how it comes out for you.

In love and service (((((hugs)))))

fallingdown: I think you are in the right place & you belong here just like I do! Even though my husband is sober today, he is only one drink away from a drunk. I am just grateful that he is sober. I don't know if that helps you any way except to say there is hope. Hang in there!

Kathleen