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.... So much to say! I left my house and husband last Tuesday to stay with my parents for a while. I went back Sunday because hubby was sick. Long story short, he is in the hospital right now with acute pancreatitis, fatty/infected liver, & inflamed/infected gallbladder. He's only 25!! Dr. told him everything looks like it would clear up fine, but he has to quit drinking. If he doesn't, everything will progressively get worse. He took the news hard. He told me if he had to quit he was "going out in style." He said he was going to call his friends, not tell them the diagnosis, and organize a big party for a "one last night drunk". I got to his friends first (none of which are alcoholics) and told them everything that is going on. He might be mad, but I don't want him to deceive his friends, and then God forbid he die and them feel like they are to blame. Last night and this morning have been very hard on him. We don't know how long he has to stay in the hospital. I don't know if this sounds horrible, but I want this to be the worst experience of his life. I want this to scare him so much that he never wants to face it again. He has had time to process it, and the Dr's keep telling him that a lifestyle change is crucial to his survival, so I'm hoping it's getting through to him. I'm not pushing it though. The only thing I have said today is that the Dr. will discuss alcohol treatments with him and he has got to keep an open mind. All I got was an "ok", but that's better than the usual, "I'm never going to quit drinking, so their is no use in even talking to me about it." I am so hoping and praying this opens his eyes! This could just all be a blessing! I'll keep everyone updated! Boy, am I worn out!
I mean this in the best way but why should he stop drinking when he has you to fight his battles for him. I use to take on my X's battles. It wasnt till I let go finally that he looked for sobriety. The A had 3 bouts with liver damage , he had a heart attack and a ruptured esophagus. The only way they stop drinking is when they want it. They have to want to stop. We cant make them see the light. When they do it for us , it doesnt stick.
If we really want to help them and support them, we need to work our recovery program and to get out of the alcoholics way. It gives us lots of time to grasp the tools that Alanon is giving us and to look at our own life and motives. We must turn them over to their higher power.
yo! I think it shows a lot of care and respect for you to look out for your husband like this, but at the same time, its his disease and his life and not yours. Good for your for going to your folks to get some space. make sure you take care of yourself, provide for yourself, just cuz your not an alcoholic doesn't mean you don't deserve a lot of love, caring, and attention!!
thinking of you. my 36 yr. old AS was hospitalized last year with severe pancreatitis. dr. told him the same thing, if you drink, you will die. he came out of the hospital with good intentions and went about 2 days without a drink. he has the tools he needs if he chooses to get better. i try not to focus on what he is or is not doing with his drinking. and i think of the expression, "you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink."
The Ex A actually got a liver disease and another disease too ( a progressive, possibly fatal one). Nothing stopped him using. That was another excuse to use.
I also fought all the ex A's battles, home life, friends, work, family. Whatever it was I was ready and willing to throw myself into the ring for him. When I stopped he was astounded. The issue was I had to stop. I had to stop dropping everything and giving him every fiber of my being. I had nothing left.
I do think so many of us think this must be it this must be the bottom. But actually we are not in charge of what is and when they choose to stop. We would like to think so but we aren't. In so many ways the ex A revelled in the fact he could push me to drop everything and give him everything he wanted. When I stopped doing that he at first partied like no bodies business, all night and for weeks. Then he slumped into a depression that was suicidal.
I do think Getting them Sober is a great resource of when to step in and when to step off. There is no known guideline on when that is. For me until I had fixed up all the loose ends I was way over involved with the ex A. I had to get out of his way once I had tied all those up.
.... So much to say! I left my house and husband last Tuesday to stay with my parents for a while. I went back Sunday because hubby was sick. Long story short, he is in the hospital right now with acute pancreatitis, fatty/infected liver, & inflamed/infected gallbladder. He's only 25!! Dr. told him everything looks like it would clear up fine, but he has to quit drinking. If he doesn't, everything will progressively get worse. He took the news hard. He told me if he had to quit he was "going out in style." He said he was going to call his friends, not tell them the diagnosis, and organize a big party for a "one last night drunk". I got to his friends first (none of which are alcoholics) and told them everything that is going on. He might be mad, but I don't want him to deceive his friends, and then God forbid he die and them feel like they are to blame. Last night and this morning have been very hard on him. We don't know how long he has to stay in the hospital. I don't know if this sounds horrible, but I want this to be the worst experience of his life. I want this to scare him so much that he never wants to face it again. He has had time to process it, and the Dr's keep telling him that a lifestyle change is crucial to his survival, so I'm hoping it's getting through to him. I'm not pushing it though. The only thing I have said today is that the Dr. will discuss alcohol treatments with him and he has got to keep an open mind. All I got was an "ok", but that's better than the usual, "I'm never going to quit drinking, so their is no use in even talking to me about it." I am so hoping and praying this opens his eyes! This could just all be a blessing! I'll keep everyone updated! 
Boy, am I worn out!