The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've only been a member here for a little over a month, but the beginning of my journey has been fruitful. I started out wondering if I should leave my AW. I decided, at everyone's advice, to stay and get help. At Tom's suggestion, I purchased Getting Them Sober. It was a fantastic first step. I realized that I suffered from very poor self-esteem. Because of this, I continually looked for people that needed help (Knight in shining armor syndrome). Taking on other people's problems seemed to give me validation and purpose, as well as a sense of worthiness. I realized that I was attempting to solve my AW's alcoholism, which was not mine to do. I began setting boundaries in a loving way. Not purchasing alcohol or even being with her when it was.
This boundary lead her to driving to the liquor store, one night, drunk. I was worried but had to let her do it. My toughest decision was leaving for the weekend, with her at home drinking. I got some great advise from everyone here and went. She drank the entire time I was gone and was passed out when I arrived late Saturday night.
The next morning, I sat down with her, while she was fighting a hangover, and expressed my worry. I told her a few things... alcoholism is a disease that affects all classes, races, and genders. Like diabetes, it is fatal if left untreated, and that there is no shame in admitting you're an alcoholic... the shame is in not treating it. As she was letting my words sink in... I hit her with a little personal stuff. I explained that I myself had a problem. That I felt the desire to fix other people's problems and that I was actually addicted to her addiction. As, I shared my own issues with her I think it helped her to realize that it was okay to have a problem. I finally told her that I was getting better. I told her about MIP and GTS and that I was at the starting point of my recovery. I requested that she get better with me, but that it was up to her. She had to want to get better because I wasn't going to be addicted to her alcholism anymore.
She admitted to being an alcoholic and said she had known it for a while. She said she wanted to get better. She stayed away from liquor for 5 days, then had a few drinks (from a little she had left over from the previous weekend) before I came home from work. When I arrived she looked disappointed in herself. A few minutes later, she asked me to run to the liquor store for her... one last time. I gave her a hug and told her that I couldn't do that. That part of my life was over. She cried for a few minutes. I told her that I loved her and that she didn't need it anymore. She changed clothes and said, let's go out to eat. She has been sober for over 2 weeks and has been attending AA meetings.
That is my story so far. Part of me wants to put all this behind me and declare it SOLVED. But I know that is not realistic. I have to continue to get better. I have to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I just want to tell everyone here, thank you all for the support. You guys are wonderful!!!!
That's so wonderful. I didn't get the same results. I threatened in the beginning which worked for a few years and then he started again and I left. Tried to work things out since learning a few things and all I said about the alcohol was that I knew I could not control him and was not going to try but that I was concerned about his health and the toll it would take. We went to a concert and he went to the beer line and I said ok fine that's your thing and I'm going to the pop line. Well he told me that that was a turn off basically. I thought since I would never let him drink and turned the other cheek at the concert he would be pleased with my acceptance and that was still wrong? Good luck and I hope the best for you.
Keep it up. Keep the focus on you. Enjoy the moments of serenity..know every success counts. There may be days it all falls apart, know we have been there. I will say a special prayer for your wife to have the endurance to keep doing her part to heal...and for you, know we are all pulling for you.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Thanks for the inspiring share. You are so right on, this is a Day at a Time recovery program. Enjoy the good moments and continue to use your alanon tools to grow in the program
Aloha Eddie...that is the way it is done and done best...keep it up and keep up with the support of others who have been thru it and learned to heal and survive...You'll find us here and in the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups which have its tap root in the same spiritual program as AA. Keep coming back.
That's encouraging, Practicing boundaries in a caring and loving way....Nice post and nice work in such a short time. Prayers for both of your recoveries.
