The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am smiling at your story, animals are soo connected to Higher power, I always accept love and comfort with gratitude, even though my dogs incessant licking borders on obsession/compulsion, lol
Betty's ESH reminds me that God gave me a whole fellowship to use, my sponsor is just one person, one human being. I recently went out of country for a week and one sponsee tried repeatedly to call me. I had warned her that I would probably not have good service in the mountains, but she tried anyway. Gratefully, she took the suggestion and phoned other members. She later reported that she felt much better, just knowing she is not alone. Higher power never abandons us.
Your post also reminds me of how I had to learn to let Higher power fill my head first thing in the morning, as soon as I was becoming consciously awake. Otherwise, my brain will do what my brain will do, it will remind me of things, usually the fearful, negative stuff. So it's best for me to begin reciting the twelve steps, or serenity prayer, etc. etc. Somehow I gotta let God fill my head.... before I do, hahaha. The steps show me how to get started, with powerlessness, then turning to a power greater.
Your whole post looks like a list of valuable insight, of what is working, and what is not. Sometimes I need to write, just get that stuff out of my head, do what I can to temper those explosions. To just write about what I think is going on, so that I'm clear when I do reach my sponsor. I tell her what I think is going on, then ask her what she thinks....
All good stuff, you're doing great ((hugs))
-- Edited by glad lee on Tuesday 7th of August 2012 11:30:34 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I woke up to the cat grooming my hair. It was awfully sweet of him to be concerned that I am ready for work in the morning, but now I'm up. Good and awake. I know you guys know what I mean. Like, as soon as you wake up your brain goes into ruminating mode. This morning, it is work I am stressed about. A couple of weeks ago it finally came out that one of my employees has been stirring the pot with other ones and has not really been the kind and honest person I thought her to be. I feel betrayed and hurt and angry. I keep trying to use the situation as a learning experience--to learn something about myself from an unlikely teacher. Today, I realize that it's not enough and my feelings are festering instead of being resolved. I am due to get my period in the next week which may have something to do with my irritability, but I am worried that what I am doing with her is holding everything in which I know from my relationships with my qualifiers only leads to an explosion later. On another note, since the pink cloud has dissipated I've been struggling to keep up with program. I'm still attending about 3 meetings a week, but I have skipped days without my daily readings. I also have a very hard time getting a hold of my sponsor and when I call her I may not get a response for a couple of days. Sometimes a week goes by and I can't get a hold of her. How often is realistic for me to be talking to her? I'm feeling a little lost right now. My home meeting is tomorrow thank goodness.
I LOVE WHEN MY CAT DECIDES TO BE MY HAIRDRESSER!!! SO VERY PRECIOUS.
THE EARLY AM THOUGHTS AND URGENT FEELINGS ARE SO POWERFUL I FIND THAT REPEATING THE SERENITY PRAYER AND READING MY COURAGE TO CHANGE HELPS A GREAT DEAL.
WHEN I COULD NOT REACH MY SPONSER, I CALLED OTHER ALANON MEMBERS. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A PHONE LIST OF AVAILABLE MEMBERS TRY TO DEVELP ONE. SOMETIMES SPONSERS ARE UNAVAILABLE.
I SET UP A REGULAR TELEPHONE TIME WITH MY SPONSEES AND MAKE SURE I AM AVAILABLE SO WE CAN TALK . IT WORKS WELL. MAYBE ASKING YOUR SPONSER TO SET UP A GOOD TIME FOR CALLS WOULD WORK
I also see this as a masterful share Chaya...Sorry about the 2am start for it and then it is what it is and we get to do the best we can with it with what we have. One of the lessons I get from reading this is the first of three "A" of recovery "awareness"...you are aware and getting more so and bringing others awareness into your picture; man that is soooo powerful for me and I get to feel large senses of gratitude for the Al-Anon journey which changed my life. Acceptance of the fact of her situation will help you rid yourself of those toxic feelings. Before I learned more about acceptance I also learned to carry those feelings until my sponsors and others taught me that when I carry them I'm carrying responsibility for the others persons choices. I got to accept that there were others who did not value the same value system I tried to live by and their choice had nothing to do with who I was...detach. Daily reading is a habit...and you can create that. Takes less than 10 minutes to do without the meditation afterwards.
