The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sometimes particular pages in a daily reader really grab me with what they have to say. Today I found a new one, on decision-making -- May 13 in Courage to Change.
I find it much easier to risk making decisions when I stop thinking about suffering the consequences and remember that I have the option to enjoy the consequences. Since coming to Al-Anon, I make my choices more conscientiously. I do whatever footwork seems appropriate and then turn the results over to God. The results are often quite favorable. Even when they aren't, I can still celebrate the fact that I have done my part.
For a long time I avoided decisions because I was sure that there was some magical "right" choice that would get me what I wanted, yet I never seemed to know which choice that was. I waited until the last minute to decide and never felt good about my choices. Today I know that choosing not to decide IS to decide.
It can be very liberating to make a decision. Once the choice is made, I can trust that the consequences will unfold as they should. With a slight change of attitude, perhaps I can await them with excitement and hope instead of fear and dread.
("Courage to Change", page 134)
I have been trying for a long time to decide whether or not to do a PhD, and if so, what area of biomedical research to specialize in. It feels like "because I want to" is treating life like a game, and that my decision needs to be more reasoned and I need a lot more information -- but no matter how much information I get, I will never know what it's really like until I get there, and I fear I may make the wrong decision and end up miserable.
What if there is no wrong choice? What if ALL of these forks in the road can lead to happiness, and it isn't what path I choose, but how I walk it, that truly matters?
I have struggled with severe anxiety for years, always afraid I would ruin my life. What if I can't ruin my life? What if most life-states are enjoyable if you don't waste them wishing things were otherwise, and at any point I am free to make changes or improvements? What if the world isn't really the terrifying, dangerous place I've always thought it was?
My anxiety has been a poison burning my insides for years. Psychologists and psychiatrists can make it less intense, but they can't make it go away. This feels like the first drop of the antidote. I'm not instantly cured, but I can feel my reality beginning to become a little more flexible towards a version of the world that isn't full of fear.
Thank you Al-Anon!
-- Edited by atheos on Sunday 5th of August 2012 11:46:15 AM
I like this page too. Fear is so debilitating and learning to let go of it is a gift. I know the feeling of wondering what the "right" thing to do is. Sometimes the answer is clear cut, other times it isn't. And sometimes, that answer can change too. In other words, what seems to be the right thing at one moment may change - because circumstances change. I know I have spent too much time worrying about the worst case scenarios and "what ifs" - almost none of which actually happen. Life is way too precious to spend that way. Thanks for the share!
Enjoyed hearing someone come around to that way of thinking. I have always just lived by the I don't need to make a decision, if it's meant to be it will happen or I will just know way of thinking. For the most part it has worked for me but I have always felt like I needed to be more decisive even though whenever I try to force a decision, things don't seem to work out. Maybe I had it right all along. Interesting!
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
I love the slogan "Take the action, let go of the result". . It freed me up to trust HP . I too procrastinated out fear of the dreaded consequences. Living with this disease for so ling, my mind would dredge up all the dreaded possibilities that might happen if I acted. Thank God for alanon. I was given a set of tools that enabled me to make choices, take a risk and learn from the results. How freeing and powerful.
I love this post...I can so relate and have found this thread to be most uplifting! Opening up to the idea of enjoying the consequences rather than automatically thinking in terms of suffering them is so cool. I go by this inner thing that says if it feels right then it is and if I'm wondering if it feels right or not then it's probably not. Another thing I'm training myself to do (as I have anxiety too), is that if a no thought comes in (like I don't want to do such and such) then to replace it with a yes thought (like what DO I want to do; or what is it I want to gain by doing such and such)? I'm excited about your PhD...I have been thinking the same thing since I finished my masters, but can't quite get a grip on exactly what area I could devote that much intensity to. I think the answer will come at the right time if I'm patient and let it happen organically. Good luck! (((hugs))) Tigger x
-- Edited by Tigger on Monday 6th of August 2012 07:55:37 PM
Thank you. That is a wonderful reading! I am already putting it to use.
" I do whatever footwork seems appropriate and then turn the results over to God." I love that, I've been having a hard time with knowing what to do about big decisions & this really clarified how to use the program for decision making.
"Take the action, let go of the result". Thank you Hot Rod, it makes sense. I LOVE it when things make sense to me! Makes sense, right?
Awesome thread, I got a lot out of it! And I might not have even found it until May 13th! Country Boy
-- Edited by Country Boy on Wednesday 8th of August 2012 09:54:14 AM
I am Excited for you! Go for it! Hubs and I have had the privilege of being the American family of many PhD candidates in our community...this all happened quite accidently. Tonight we go to a celebratory dinner for one of our "friends" who officially graduates on Fri, we will meet his parents from Poland. Tomorrow another of our Brazillian friends goes back to his homeland. The supportive community these candidates have for one another is Amazing!!! We've partaken in many conversations of "I don't know if I can continue this, do I really want to do this for the rest of my life....", to see them through to graduation. We are still in touch with all of them. Not ONE has regreted their decision. You have the heart passion....Go and follow it! You will Not regret it!
