The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 10 years of his drunken binges, those awful tirades laced with curses, accusations, hate, blame, and rage, I finally threw him out. He has rented an apartment and will be out and living in it by August 15th. I didn't want this for us. I wanted our love to last forever and for it to be as idyllic as it was when it began. I am filled with anger and resentment after years of watching him descend into the pits of alcohol abuse. I just couldn't take it anymore. Still, I will always love him. I will always worry about him, hope for him, and wish that somehow, by some miracle, we could go back to the glory days of our romance and start over again. But instead, I am filled with sadness and tears; tears that fall without warning and leave me weary and afraid. Sometimes I am tempted to tell him we can make it, so let's give it another try. I won't do that. I won't cave in and let him stay. I have a life to live and I know that happiness is just beyond my reach right now, but getting closer with every passing day. Now I am just like the alcoholic; trying to hang on one day at a time. I have always been strong, but this trial has cut me to the core of my soul. I would say I am left with nothing, but that's not so. I have my health, my pride, my future, my family, my friends, and my little dog. All together, we'll be just fine.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I can just offer hugs. I'm about to end my relationship with m BF and I'm sad for the same reasons. I think it's like any loss. It just hurts, there is no reason. I'm sorry you are going through this, much more painful when there has been years of hope and trying. Mine is only 7 months but I'm still sad.
I do so hear you and understand the sadness and pain. Be very gentle with yourself/ Come here often to post , and share how you feel . It helps and please remember that you are not alone. You have your MIP Family walking with you every step of this painful journey.
You will emerge on the ohere side of this grief and be able to find joy again.
We have something in common, "Stronger Me." My partner is also from ENgland. He came here, we met, married, and he stayed in the US. There has always been a bit of a culture clash, but all-in-all it was a lovely romance. Until I found out he was a binge drinker. I don't know whether he will eventually go back to the UK. He talks of going, and perhaps it would be better all around if he did. SO complicated, so sad, so terrible this alcoholism.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
An alcoholic has to have consequences in order for them to make a change.
Doesnt mean its the end, could be a new beginning for you and your loved one, with changes for the good, you could somehow end up back together happier or you could end up happier on your own.
I know its going to hurt for awhile, but after the hurt, the possibilities are endless.
Diva - mine is a binge drinker too. His dad died from this also. He will drink like 4-5 pints of vodka or schnapps in a day. It's the scariest thing I've ever seen.
(((Diva)))...Sadness is one of the large emotions of this disease...It hurts; doesn't kill and made me want to either dig a hole and crawl in or open the windows and doors and let the sunlight come in. I opened the windows and doors and the light brought warmth and everything in the room came into focus. It takes strength and courage to surrender and when I did I found myself held and supported inthe palms of my Higher Power...Let go and Turn him over and make sure you turn yourself over at the same time. ((((hugs))))
When I look back and think about my ex, I don't really worry about him. I do still care, but he has shown a propensity for self-destruction and my worrying never did anything but hurt me. I have moved forward and I expect to hear tragedies and stories of woe when I hear from him. That is exactly what I do hear when I talk to him also only now, his woe is not mine. I have a full life - even a new partner. I jumped off the misery train, rode on the rocky road for a bit, then hopped on the happy train :) I guess I'm saying that your life will be looking a whole lot different down the road. Have faith and ride out this difficult period and you will be in a much better place before long.
It's possible you may be grieving. When I finally let go of my false sense of control over my alcoholic husband, the reality of his disease hit me full force and I understood that I was losing him. I became very sad, for a sustained period of time. I mourned what we once had, accepting that it was no longer a possibility and mourning a promising human life that was consumed by alcohol. Working my program and journaling gave some relief. Trusting in my HP and his HP got me through it.
As an aside, for some reason, HP inspired me to read "Man's search for meaning" by Victor Frankl. It describes his experience of loss along with his observations of others dealing with horror and loss in the setting of the Nazi death camps. An extreme setting for him as a trained psychiatrist, but he developed a theory about our need for meaning our life. I don't know why, but it helped me break my cycle of hopelessness.
Wow! Rocky, what you said about the full force of reality hitting you explains exactly how I am feeling today. I reached that point yesterday. Diva, I will be watching to see how you are doing. I am very much in the same place even down to your closing comments regarding the little dog.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Same situation. I left and then after a while decided I would try again. This time though, he is so far into the alcohol he ended up telling me that he loved me but needed to drink and I would make him feel uncomfortable. He wants to be alone with not stress and drink. Well ok. He is miserable, full of anxiety and drinking every night. I am still having the hardest time accepting that he choose this. It is very painful and I feel like I took one step forward and two back. I was so strong when I left and it was my choice and now I turned it into him leaving me.
