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I have blocked him every which way. But, last night I got another message. This time he contacted me by sending me a message through a reunion website that I had rsvp to. I worked for an airline from 1984-1990, and they are having a reunion next month. Somehow he sent me a message through there. He said, You really felt the need to block me on Facebook? Please grow up! You don't have to be so hateful you know..You think this is easy for me?
Not sure now what to do? I didn't reply. I don't understand why he won't just let me go. Ugh...
I'm doing really well. I want him to go away. I don't know why he won't just do that! It's so frustrating.
U
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Be patient. It will take him time to believe you. My ex went to the lengths of borrowing other people's phones, blocking the phone he was calling from and calling my desk phone, and including using the kids phones!!!!
He will go away but in his mind it's not over until he feels its over. Keep your ground. Do not respond even to tell him to stop. You're doing all the right stuff but time will be the final part of it. Hugs. Hard to go through.
'I want him to go away'... there you have it, that's your statement... you don't need an answer on what to do, you have given it to yourself already, for your own reasons. the hard part is sticking to it. I can relate to that, it happens to me every time still, because I'm just starting to try to take over my own life again. As yesterday in the chatroom, a fellow supported me in my way of thinking, not my way of emotions, which is linked to reactions. Just keep on thinking 'i want him to go away'....you won't have to DO anything, if it just brings you back to chaos sooner or later, or gives you one more chance to beat yourself up afterwards, because you haven't actually respected your own advice to yourself. 'I'm doing really well, I want him to ago away'...that's who you are, cherish that moment. , yes , i heard that before, it's there first tool to attempt to get to our guilt, they want to give away, 'share' a little bit of their responsibility with us, even if we didn't voluntarily ask for it. Well leave that with him, it might not be easy for him too, sure, it's a struggle, we are all aware of that, but everybody has his fight to fight, with his own tools. You chose abstinence and self-care, and it seems to work, in this case continue what you are doing...he will have to find another tool than you. that doesn't mean you don't care, leave the guilt outside. Thanks for sharing, it reminds me big things for today. continue doing well (((KAT)))
Yep, all part of the insanity of the disease, I'm afraid....
There is a wonderful saying - "he will either drink (or contact you through F/B, or your reunion site, or go away or not go away), or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
Time to start choosing recovery.... for YOU. What are you doing for your recovery from this (very tough to manage by ourselves) situation??
Meetings, posting here, wonderful books, etc. - all help to take the focus off of our A, and back onto the one person we CAN control and change - ourselves.
Keep coming back
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That is some classic projection right there.....Considering 2 of the things he needs to do most are 1. Grow up and 2. Take responsibility for his own hurtful actions.
Of course that message is ripe for a come back.... Unfortunately he's not all there so it probably wouldn't do any good and he's just shy of going into stalker mode. I would save all these messages in case you need a restraining order.
Pinkchip is dead on in that the comments are meant to get a rise out of you and come back at him, continue the fight. My ex is very good at verbal fighting - oh he could take it the full 12 rounds! Your ex just wants to get a response from you, any response. Practice ignoring, it gets easier the more you practice it.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
You ARE growing up - that's exactly why you blocked him from FB..duh :-} How long has he been sober now - a week or two? Assuming he has not drank since he left, his brain is still detoxing and his disease will fight back really hard. If he does not stay on the path to sobriety and dedicate himself to a recovery program, those friends on the east coast will boot his butt to the curb so I'd venture to guess that he wants to keep the door open with you for a fall-back. It's really futile to try to analysis the A's brain but no, it is not easy for him but that's HIS path to walk, not yours.
Take ownership of your own recovery and don't let his insanity destroy the peace & serenity you have found.
Stay the course - keep to the Path - you are worth it
i can tell you that when I left the ex A for a full year there were all kinds of things to sort out, payments, all kinds of things that had to be untied and sorted out. As long as they were there the tie to him was always there. In so many ways I did not want to sort those things out. Eventually I did and then the whole issue of how and when and what I felt when he contacted me changed.
In the interim I got to deal with the drama, anger and grief.
I did get to the point where I put my foot down and said no more but it could only be when every bill, every tie and every semblance of that relationship had been sorted out. None of that happened overnight.
It sounds like you are really handling this tough, heartbreaking situation well. What worked well for me after the breakup with my qualifier was to ignore his attempts to contact me. I wanted to end the relationship and move on. I'd already tried everything I could to make it work, but his active addictions were making a healthy relationship impossible. In order for either of us to heal and move on, we had to cut off all contact for a while. Later we've been able to talk occasionally and it's ok, but I still find I have to ignore late night drunk texts. I just don't react or respond. I just hit delete. Best of luck to you!
Thanks everyone! So far so good for me. I am not responding to any contact like I promised myself. I am doing great really. I feel at peace with my life right now. I have sad moments, but overall I feel good. I appreciate all the support here. It helps me to stay on my path of healing.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
