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Well, since I didn't answer him two days ago, his not so sweet side came out. I think he is still trying to control me. I can tell he is annoyed with my silence. I wound up blocking him from sending me a message on Facebook. I won't delete my account, because I have so many relatives on there that live in Ohio and I am in California. I have 20 first cousins on my mom's side alone. So, FB for me is a wonderful venue to share my life with my extended family. I didn't reply to this either. If he disconnects the internet, I am pretty sure I can get it turned on quickly. When I read this like an outsider, I really can see the tone, and controlling. The last sentence says it all. I am doing well though! I am not replying and I am just going about my life! I feel good. I can tell he hates that I have not replied at all or asked him how he was doing. So much growth for me. I am really happy about that. Here is the email I got...
" I talked to the cable company....all you have to do is take your ID and a copy of the lease agreement to a Time/Warner office and switch your name for my name. There won't be any interuption of service if you do that and they can do it immediately.
It's already two weeks into the new billing cycle. This is running on my name....I'll give you to the end of the week. It's the easiest way to do it for you....no equipment switching or anything. Send me a note please and let me know what you're going to do. I don't want to have to shut it off and leave you without internet. God forbid."
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
I did the same thing with Facebook, I deleted my AH and all of his friends and family that were on my friends list. I thought giving up Facebook would be good for me, but it turns out it was just isolating me more than ever. I didnt last more than 2 weeks! HA!
I live in Cali too and really, it only takes one to two days to get the guys out to hook up internet :)
My AH has been out of the house for about 3 months and there are days when he is so nice, and days when he is not so nice. He is no longer in his comfort zone anymore, and he really doesnt like that I am standing up for myself. He is not used to that. He cant control me, manipulate me when he is over 700 miles away. His emotions are going nutso...and thats ok, he can deal with them.
Only you know what's best for you. Several years ago I lived with a man who was VERY controlling. When he left, he left the cable on for me and told me how to get it to my name and what the easiest thing for me to do would be, etc, etc. I never did respond to him and I found, for myself, I had to get new service. It didn't matter that it would have been easier to just change the names, I had to get new service to prove to MYSELF that he didn't control me. Not prove to him, although at the time that's what I thought I was doing. I say this to encourage you to do what YOU need to do for YOURSELF. If that leaves him with a cable bill of 3 weeks that HE has to pay then so be it. If that means that switching it to your name and continuing to pay YOUR bill as you always have, so be it. You do what YOU need to do for YOUR serenity. Keep up the good work!! It's encouraging to hear about your progress!
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
Just keep checking your motives. If you are running up bills in his name to make up for what he cost you - you might regret that later. His disease made him fiscally irresponsible and unable to pay his way. It didn't and doesn't make you that way. Nobody is questioning how bad he treated you and that he probably deserves a few hard knocks...any connections that stop you from focusing on you and moving foward are not good.
I left my ex-A's cell phone on for the first month after we broke up. He begged...cried "Just please don't cut off my phone!!"- He purposely ran up a 600 dollar phone bill. Separate everything as soon as you can.
My ex is the same, anything to keep contact. Even now sometimes. Just ignore it but I really like what pinkchip says. Sometimes it's hard to find the "right thing" to do when we are so used to reacting.
Thanks for the replies. I have been working the last two days. When I work my day pretty much consists of nothing but work. I leave my house at 630, clock in at work at 0700am, and then clock out at 730pm, and get home at 8pm. So, I don't have time to deal with much else. I am off today and tomorrow and plan on making the switch of the cable bill and the water bill. Those are the only two things in his name. I have no reason to email him and tell him what I plan to do. From what I know about him, he is just trying to get me to reply, freak out, get mad, engage. So, at this point, I will get to it when I have the time an there doesn't need to be a discussion between my A and myself about it. I am doing well. I don't care if he thinks I am doing good, bad, or whatever. I really feel the detachment, and I feel good about it. 6 months ago, I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed. I'm really happy that I am doing so well.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
