Neighbor breaking boundaries - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Neighbor breaking boundaries

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

My neighbor lady is a little slow and emotionally stunted and has signs of being molested. I have been kind and given her a few rides to the store lunch and places, but now its just plain uncomfortable for me and my oldest. She walks right into my apartment and sits down and is becoming a problem with my 14 year old and making her feel uncomfortable. I am unsure how I became so soft that I am having a hard time telling her everytime she hears my door open or shut from next door that she doesn't need to come over or come in my house. It is my own fault and now she says things like she loves feeling like a Grama to my 4 year old, who adores her. She has offered to babysit, but I don't trust her to do it at all. What and how to I back her off and out of my apartment? She lives right next door and doesn't work or drive so she is always there, ever see the movie "What about Bob? EXACTLY like that! Okay give me the ESH.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I have to remind my landlords about this!

What I say is I want you to know I am a very private person as are my kids. We choose to have our home to ourselves.

It's hard for me but I have just learned to tell everyone we need this to feel comfortable in our home.

Then she does not feel singled out.

If she still comes over I would contact the landlord. Or if this gal has a social worker case manager, you could let them know. It's not safe for her to be going into strangers homes either!

With you feeling like this I sure would listen to my intuition and NEVER leave my kids vulinerable to her. She may have nut friends too!

When you mentioned apartment, my stomach got tight. Maybe a home sharing situation would be better? I mean like someone lives in the top part of home and others bottom? or? On CL there is a house sharing thing to look at.

I am so sorry this has happened. But I am so glad you are such a great parent! Let us know how it goes! love,deb

katfshh · Senior Member

I have a hard time with people like this. It starts out nice, and then you don't want to hurt their feelings. I would love to hear how you wind up handling this. I have had neighbors like this and I have never been good at asking them to stop. Where I live now, I don't even make eye contact with most of my neighbors. I guess they probably think I am a snob. But, at home, I like my own space and don't want to have people that close in my business. Keep us posted!

Jen · ~*Service Worker*~

It is rude of her to come walking into your house without being invited. I know it's hard, but I find the direct approach to be the best for me. I might just tell her to please knock before entering my house because I expect my friends to respect my space and privacy. I would not be so available to take her places anymore, esp if she does not respect my privacy.

If she just plain comes over too often, I would start asking her to leave in a nice way regularly. I value my family time and actually do tell my friends that they are welcome to drop in on us, but I promise to be honest and tell them if it is not a good time to have company over. And I do follow through on that promise.

JMHO,

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