The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been 5 days since my AF has been gone. He hasn't made any contact with me at all. Last I heard his sober friend (13 years sober) was trying to get him into a detox on the East coast. I hope that he was able to. But, I also dread the day he comes out of the fog and regrets leaving here. That will be tough, because when my sober AF appears, there will be the man I love. I have to stick to my plan of not talking to him for 6 months. I hope I can do it.
Yesterday was a bad day for me. I made plans with a friend and was really looking forward to it. Then he backed out at the last minute. I was so disappointed. I don't know why I was so disappointed? He tried to call me last night and I didn't pick up or return the call. I just feel like right now I need to do things that I enjoy and be with people that are good to me. I had my ex husband take my 13 year old so I could go out last night. So, then plans get cancelled, and here I sat. Not sure why it really bothered me so much that he cancelled? It bothered me more so than it should of. He is a life long friend that I rarely get to see. We have known each other since we were 16.
I have three days off from work and I am glad. I need it. I'm going to read the board now and see how all of you are doing. I haven't been able to in a couple of days since I was working.
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
The "gift" that you have currently been given, is the opportunity to dive head-first into your own recovery, and for the first time in a long while, be able to practice the self-care and spend some quality time with YOU....
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Sorry for the disappointment of the friend, you were probably excited about it and the let down was hard. It's sometimes habit to want to have somewhere to point a finger - I know for me it was. Sometimes things just happen, no good/bad, just "are" and it's hard to recognize it when we've been in a chaotic/reactive environment for awhile. It's conditioned us to react instead of asses.
Alone doesn't have to be lonely. I found after awhile that I enjoyed that time a lot, I accomplished all the things I usually "put off" and I learned to just get out and do something I enjoy. And reading, I like to read and learn a lot.
My husband is away in rehab and every other weekend my kids are gone to their dads house and I am left alone, all by myself, to feel all alone, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms ... Then I realized, I'm ALONE!! YAY! I can think for myself. I don't have to tell anyone what I'm doing! I can listen to music as loud as I want. I can spend time with my HP or just reflect on my day or week. I can leave all the lights on in the house if I want to. I can even go watch a movie or order take out or call a friend and talk as long as I want to, or go to a meeting or read a book I've been wanting to read or my devotions I've been neglecting... I was so scared of being alone that I made myself lonely. I am learning to embrace it as a time to discover who I am and what I'm about. I've been able to realize some of what I like and what I don't and hopefully I will be able to put in place boundaries based on my needs and wants instead of what other people need and want... (((BIG HUGS!))) Learn to be your own best friend... Find yourself... Be encouraged!
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Mandy
Don't settle for less than your potenial. Remember, average is as close to the bottom as to the top. ~Unknown
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back! ~Unknown
My husband has been in the hospital 3 times in the past 3 months; an angiogram, open heart surgery to replace his aorta and just last Tue, 3 stents were put in. After the angio, I broke down in tears at the nurse's station when I heard the results knowing that I had to break the news to hubby. A kind, compassionate nurse offered to go with me and as the conversation started w/hubby, she stepped in and explained everything in the most kind, loving & compassionate tone of voice. When he went back in for the aorta replacement, guess who his ICU nurse was -- yep, it was nurse Jackie. Then Tues, Nurse Jackie materalized again as his after-care nurse. I don't know where she hides her angel wings but I know they have to be tucked somewhere inside those scrubs.
It may not be within your power to help your A but it is within your power to help others (like me) that welcome your compassion, dedication and skill.
Kat, next time you find youself alone, I want you to spend some time thinking about how valuable you are to this world. You have chosen a profession that, in my eyes, is heaven sent. Without dedicated professional like yourself, I'd be a widow. So spend that next alone-time flapping your angel wings and know that you are appreciated.
Kat, next time you find youself alone, I want you to spend some time thinking about how valuable you are to this world. You have chosen a profession that, in my eyes, is heaven sent. Without dedicated professional like yourself, I'd be a widow. So spend that next alone-time flapping your angel wings and know that you are appreciated.
Thank you! This brought tears to my eyes. I feel this when I am at work, I know nursing was a calling for me. I too had a wonderful experience with a nurse that took care of my dad when he was dying. Every Time I see her at work in the cafeteria I give her a hug. She was so wonderful and loving to all of us while my dad lay in the ICU dying. I understand from every angle how nurses are doing a wonderful thing for patients and families. I am proud to be a nurse. I am often the nurse that cares for the patients delivering stillborns. I cry right along with them, as hard as it is for me, being that kind of nurse is something I am proud of. xxoo
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Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
My darling, it is a gift. Right when I left my exA, my children went to stay with their dad, and my best friend and I fell apart. Oh my goodness, I couldnt believe how much I struggled with being alone! But, Im so grateful that I recognized what my discomfort was. It was like a withdrawal...and I mean that literally. I just had to ride the waves. I cried as ugly and as loud as I wanted to, yelled at god (bargaining), slept when I wanted to, ate what I wanted to. It was hard hard hard. But ao very neccessary. It ends though, even if it doesnt feel like it. One thing that helped me was to repeat to myself over and ovee as I got ready for woek "I dont have to do ANYTHING today that isnt taking care of myself." I still say that, causse its true. Toull get thru it. Keeep your head up (hugs)
and I am left alone, 
all by myself, to feel all alone, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat some worms 
... Then I realized, I'm ALONE!! 
YAY! I can think for myself. I don't have to tell anyone what I'm doing! I can listen to music as loud as I want. I can spend time with my HP or just reflect on my day or week. I can leave all the lights on in the house if I want to. I can even go watch a movie or order take out or call a friend and talk as long as I want to, or go to a meeting or read a book I've been wanting to read or my devotions I've been neglecting... I was so scared of being alone that I made myself lonely. I am learning to embrace it as a time to discover who I am and what I'm about. I've been able to realize some of what I like and what I don't and hopefully I will be able to put in place boundaries based on my needs and wants instead of what other people need and want... (((BIG HUGS!))) Learn to be your own best friend... Find yourself... Be encouraged! 
