The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been here. Not frequently but reading and trying to sometimes comment. I read my daily readers, ODAT and C2C daily, they are amazing!!!
I have my meeting, no matter how tired I am I never regret going!!!
Last night I got home after a long day, and I could see it in his eyes, that he wasn't there. It was the disease. I had already told him I planned to go to bed early. So I did.
He came in and laid down and talked to me for a little while. Talked about how he woke up sick and threw up. How he felt sick the whole day. I thougth to myself, hangover, and handed it to my HP.
We were separated for 2 months in March and that was a huge turning point. I've made it clear as long as he treats me with dignity and respect then I stay. I've found my contentment and serenity whether he's drinking or not.
The hard part is nights like last night when he was just talking to me. When he said that he wondered if it might not be withdrawal that he is experiencing. That he considered filling a flask. Which again, I handed to HP. He drives daily for work, my prayer is that he does not carry this one out. Since he was in the state he was I just handed it up, I don't carry on conversations with the disease when I can help it. I did mention this morning that I strongly disagree with that idea and I will leave it at that.
I'm thankful for Al-Anon. I'm thankful that I've learned how to pray, in a way I've never known before.
He said he knows he's dying. I have no doubts that at the rate he's destroying his health he probably is. He smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. Again, I handed it to HP. When he was getting ready to get up to go watch TV I simply told him that I love him. Then I handed it all to HP and went to sleep. This morning I asked him what is he going to do about it.
I know that I can't fix him. I know that I didn't cause this, I can't control it and I can't cure him. I know that I am powerless over the disease. I'm thankful for this program, because I would be in a very different place without it.
Thank you for letting me share.
-- Edited by Jackie11 on Thursday 19th of July 2012 10:02:43 AM
Awesome awareness and acceptance on your part Jackie.... In my experience, I guess that is all part of their process of recovery - literally 'feeling us out' for how much we are willing to tolerate, sometimes looking for sympathy/empathy, etc., etc....
My wise old sponsor told me (very bluntly) that many/most active A's spend a lot of time & energy figuring out the "minimum they can do to allow others to get off their back so they can remain in their disease", and I believe this to be true - at least in many cases....
In many ways, it feels like they are trying to 'hook us in', to share/wallow in their misery and disease..... We feel cold and unloving when we don't, and they feed off that guilt...... it's kind of a vicious cycle thing....
You are showing tremendous growth in your recovery, and that is a wonderful thing.... The crazy thing is, the more WE recover, the better chance our A's actually have of choosing recovery as well..... go figure...
Thanks for the share
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
That was an inspiring post Jackie. I really admire your strength in the face of the disease.
If recovery is ever going to happen for him, it's going to come at a moment of intense crisis and sufferening beyond what he's experienced so far...That's scary, but it would seem to be a part of recovery. I stated for a while that I didn't care if I died. I think I got more scared that I would go on living that way...
I have learned how to show compassion and love and yet also maintain that recovery is his choice to make. (usually progress not perfection)
@Mark, I'm not sure that he will ever reach that place "I stated for a while that I didn't care if I died. I think I got more scared that I would go on living that way... " It's why I give it up to HP. Thank you for the insight, it helps me a lot!
I see Higher Power's grace through you in every scenario you described, all because you turned to Him in that moment to ask for help... to love as He would have you love, you are a beautiful instrument of peace.
I am reminded of what my sponsor told me recently,"treating someone with compassion and forgiveness is much more likely to elicit a healed response." I see you providing that, perhaps that is why he confides in you. We can shake our fingers at them in disgust but as you and I both know, we are powerless to change the situation. My anger and frustration never helped anyone to heal, nor did it inspire anyone to change.
You are on your journey to God. He is on his journey to God. Same, same. I am with you in spirit ((my friend)) I know it's not easy, but I'm so glad you have company in the al-anon fellowship, you never have to do this alone.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
This was comfirting to read at 400 in the morning. Im awake , anxious,annoyed...yet angry w mysekf. I need to give more to Him. Instead tonight I sent a text ti a name in my ah phone...he had texted her about being somewhere specific last week. Now im paranoid if the ramifications. I tried to stop myself but was feuled by anger. W my kuck she ,will text him re my text and....oh @!......will things get messy.
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
