Hello daisy31,i can just share my personal situation with you.

I struggled a lot with all of them, a single of them, then again allof them, back and forward... family is our roots, and also the roots of many of our behaviour 'problems' in my view. We hate them- we love them. That's  what makes it all so  difficult, and sometimes also helpless, without an exit. At least that's the feeling I sometimes got, and still get.... cutting them off completely? Wasn't an option from me, because from my real nature I am a family person.  At least at this time of my life I don't know if it would make sense to just 'forget' about them. But we need to train our ability to deal with what come up with family matters, and fight old habits, that are actually not our real natures, just simply 'educated' ones.

In order to find myself, I had to create a distance between me and them, because they simply drove me nuts at some point. We used to live close to eachother, and we had our sunday lunch in my parents house mostly every week. Well it came to some point in my crisis where I had to stop going there, couldn't handle them all together. I preferred instead choosing the right day for me, and visiting them individually if I felt like it, depending on MY mood. that worked fine, and it actually resulted in looong phases without seeing them at all...because I was  simply not in the mood.

Then I looked for other opportunities jobwise, and life offered itself in that way, that I applied for a job overseas and got it. So i took that and left. It took me almost 5 years to take that step, until I was ready I guess. Then I left, and I could 'breathe'. That was 4 years ago, since then I am living my life according to my own rythm, visiting only once a year, and through letters and skype we are always in contact. We even got closer with soem members ( actulaly with all the members over time if I reflect on that righ now) Every single relationship has improved since me moving away. even th emost hopeless one. The mutual respect grew, the independence does us all good, it's more healthy, and when we get together we limit conversation to essential things, due to lack of time we don't get lost in hysterical fights anymore. It's more peaceful, and everybody minds his own business. Distance has it that our respective worlds have become too foreign and alien, those ar emy smooth boundaries I guess, which developed naturally. We are family still, and concerned and in contact, but we live our own lives....or at least I do. I noticed during my last visit, that those living closer to eachother actually still struggle, because 'close but yet so far', and that's confusing and hurts many times.

For me this is the best receipe, my receipe. I'm not saying everybody has to swap continents, but since I am a curious traveller anyway, I 've given me some pleasure, I'm alone but most of the time not lonely, and one day I want to have my own family, which I will have to release at some point too, it's just the natural evolution of things.

For a long time I thought that was selfish of me, especially towards my parents, but here they assured me that they love me even more, because they see I can be happy through my own decisions, being responsible. They are not worried, they simply accept me as I am. so they actually think they did a great job as parents

Take some of the dynamic out from family relationships, don't continue doing what you have been doing in the family necessarily, it might not be the real you, take some forward, leave some behind, (what you need and want...the rest leave it with the memory) and let moments of quietness and peace set in, it does all of us good, even if it's scary (very scary) in the beginning.

You can get really creative here

(didn't Columbus discover a whole new world when leaving home?)

My Grandmother was the cornerstone of my disfunctional family and an enabler for my A Father. They have both passed on and when that happened, I basically broke ties with the rest of the extended family. My sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc have various issues with dependency of one sort or another and live their lives with their heads in the sand when it comes to addictions & child abuse.......therefore, it was easy for me to disconnect because they have nothing I want nor anything that I want to share in.

Sounds harsh but that's how I stay healthy.

I agree with many of the posters. I just talk to them when I feel like I have the strength and am not overwhelmed. If they call, and Im having a bad case of the stinkin thinkins or a particularly difficult situation...I dont answer. I can only go so long without creating more problems. My dad will eventually leave some guilt trippy voicemail about how "if tou love your family, youll answer the phone!" I let myself feel calm, and call and dont act pick up the rope so he cant play his tug of war game he started. Then, I remain light and bright, and get off the phone quickly. I dont do that to supress it, ai do that for my serenity. My alcoholic drug addict brother has.oddly neverr given me any problems. He is younger, and when ai turned 18, I refused to buy him cigarettes. He hasnt bothered me since. One of the smartests things I ever did.