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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ???????
Post Info TOPIC: ???????
pineapple


~*Service Worker*~

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I don't even know what to title this thread. My A and I have been separated for over a year now. Unfortunately we are still living on the same property, in a foreign country, which we jointly own-the property, not the country :) He is still drinking every day although his health has been rapidly deteriorating. Recently a family member of his in the U.S. has offered to have him come live there. I thought my prayers were answered. EXCEPT he can't stay sober long enough to get there. Plus, he has other health problems. He is already unable to make the trip alone due to problems walking and with his eyesight. Tonight he was drunk, went outside, fell down and hit his head on a rock. This happened six months ago and I swore I wouldn't go through this again. But I was unable to leave him on the ground bleeding from a head wound. With help, I eventually got him to the clinic in the village where he got his head stitched up and was told once again by the Dr. that he has to quit drinking. Yeah, right, like that's going to happen. I am literally at the end of my rope/tolerance/patience.  As much as I have been trying to take care of myself I seem to keep being caught up in his problems. And while he is here I don't see that changing. I try not to enable but when it comes to a matter of him bleeding on the ground I feel like I have to step up and do what needs to be done as far as seeing that he gets the necessary care. If I woke up in the morning to find him dead from blood loss I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But this life is truly making me crazy. Thanks for reading this. Any ESH would be helpful, but mostly I just needed to get this out of my head.



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AStrongerMe


~*Service Worker*~

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OH gosh that is tough. Any chance that he might be sober enough after a night sleep to get on a plane at the crack of dawn? I don't know of many ideas but I agree with you, you need to get away from this. So sad.. hate this disease.

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usedtobeanyer


Senior Member

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You did the right thing. Don't beat yourself up over that. There's not enabling and there is caring for someone in an emergency situation. You did the right thing.

I'm so sorry you continue to go through this.

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Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

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You did the best thing and don't beat yourself up! Be gentle with yourself. Anymore house sitting positions available? I am sending you much love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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I know it is a huge undertaking. However can you at least get him tot he plane and on it? Make up a plan like ya do with little kids? There are people who already are going  you can pay to assist them.

If his family wants him there maybe they don't know about this. No one needs to know he is a drunk. Just that he is ill and needs help to get home.

Well I am saying what I would look into.Could advertise for this too. I bet there are people there that would love to get a couple hundred bucks to just stay with him till he is with his family in the US. I would!

He is not safe doing what he is now. Maybe at home with more people, he can at least have more assistance. He is in the very last stage. If they are choosing to do this, that would be great. you are wore out.

don't give up yet! love,deb  



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

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hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Katie

I agree You certainty did the right thing Showing love and compassion to a person who is very ill is essential.

I do not know the financial status of the family member who has requested that dad come to stay There are alcohol rehab institutions who will send a person to your home and escort the person to the detox and rehab facility . It is costly. I did this a few times with my son and it worked very well They were kind, professional and knew how to travel with him

AA inter group might be able to refer you to such a resource.

Good Luck In my prayers.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
pineapple


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you for your responses. I'm actually not beating myself up about this-I knew what had to be done so I did it. I guess I was lamenting the fact that these situations keep happening and I keep having to jump in and rescue him. I wouldn't do any differently, but it wears me down. Haven't heard any more from the family member in the states. Maybe I was too honest about A's condition and now they are having second thoughts about having him come to live with them? Time will tell. The big thing is that I don't have alanon meetings, sponsor, phone list, etc. so I come here when I'm feeling overwhelmed and in need of support. And I was certainly feeling overwhelmed (once again) last night. Thanks again for your kind thoughts.

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Pushka


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Sending love and support!! Thinking of you my friend. Hugs p ;)

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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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I once asked my sponsor "Why me?" "Why is this happening to me?!!" and he calmly replied "Why not you"?  Actually considering I was in Al-Anon at the time and talking to my Al-Anon sponsor...Why not indeed. No it wasn't a good way to live and it did lead to me learning how to live better.  I learned sometimes all I could do was get out of the way between the alcoholic/addict and her bottom and "turn her over".   Your HP is there for you...when you listen HP speaks...(((((hugs))))) smile



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