The material presented
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I am having a hard time trying to figure out if I should move back to my hometown where all my friends and family live. I am here in Cali with a great job which I love dearly! I love the peeps I work with and really do enjoy the work I am doing. I dont think I can take this job with me...it would be a longshot to ask for it (we do have offices close to my hometown)
I asked my son today if he wanted to move back home. He said no. I wonder if he doesnt want to because that is where his stepdad lives now (my AH who was verbally and emotionally abusive to all of us) I guess it is something that I ask his therapist to talk to him about and maybe he will open up to me in time? ALL of our family lives in my hometown...my son's biological father lives in our hometown.
We just got back from a vacation there and it really has made me want to move back SOOOOOO bad! I would have help with my kids, we would be surrounded by family and friends. I miss that. I miss the closeness of family. I miss my best friend. I miss my sisters and my brother. I want my kids to see their dads.
I want my daughter to see her dad (my AH) Being this far away, they would be lucky to see them 2 times a year. I want to go to family birthday parties, and spend more time with my grandparents before they are gone. I want my kids to know what it is like to have family with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents.
I dont want to get back together with my AH. I dont think at this point that it is possible for him to salvage the relationship with my son. My son doesnt want anything to do with him. Our home is calm and I am starting to feel like I am figuring out who I really am.
I am scared to move, scared to change jobs, scared that I will fall back in my career if I go back to my hometown. I am fearful that I will not be able to hold my boundaries with my AH, as he would only be 30 miles away, instead of 700 miles away. I am afraid if I move without a job lined up, that we will end up living with my grandparents. I am just one big ball of fear, huh?
I guess I really just dont know what is best for my kids at this point. My son is making new friends, I am making new friends in Alanon and the church, I started going to church again, I am advancing in my career. My daughter has a wonderful daycare that she loves and she is so excited to start kindergarten with her friends from daycare. My family...is dysfunctional...and being so far away from them, I have been able to detach from the drama and am able to enjoy them and accept them for who they are. My father is an alcoholic, my stepmother is an addict, my mother is bipolar.
Dragonfly, it sounds like you have bloomed where you were planted and have some great reasons for staying put. I think we all get nostalgic for our hometowns sometimes. Of you moved back would you really be happy around the disfunction? Even though they are family, would it hinder your recovery? Make a list of pros and cons. Ask your HP for knowledge of his will for your life. God will never take you to a place where his grace will not sustain you.
I agree with GreenGrass. it does sound as if you and your children have succeeded in your new community. Being able to detach from family is a gift of alanon and being 700 miles away helps greatly.
If you move without a job depending on a supportive relationship with your family may be a stretch.
I to would suggest a pro and con list and prayers for guidance.
You sound homesick - That's normal. I get that way, but I have a life 1000 miles away from home and moving away was good for me. Sounds similar. You have so many addicts and alcholics in the home town - Do you really want to be enmeshed in that again?
I want what is best for my kids. My dad was not really around when I was growing up. I want my kids to have the opportunity to have a father in their lives. Living so far away, the opportunity seems so small. If my son would have said yes to moving back home, I probably would not feel like I have such a hard decision to make. I just want what is best for them. But I guess I am not sure where that place is yet. Pinkchip, you are right, there is a lot of dysfunction and addiction in my family, which is why I am having such a hard time deciding what is best for my kids.
I miss my old life, in Cali where I grew up and around my old friends and family. But I am doing really well in the Midwest away from the dysfunction and when I get back to visit them I get enough of my Mom and brother to last me until I visit again. I like the ESH you received and it sounds like everyone is blooming where you are and that is important. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
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