The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mom survived 3 weeks of rehab and has been home almost 2 weeks.
She's already drinking again and worse my dad is enabling her.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. She makes a good point--she says, "A person with an eating disorder wouldn't never eat food again." So she thinks she can control her drinking using what she learned in rehab.
But I don't understand. If it's simply as easy as self-control, why are there addicts? Addicts can be strong people. But if it's so simple, why do people throw their lives away to drink? Why not just control it or stop? Moderate it?
I think the answer is because you CAN'T...just control it.
I don't have a response when she voices these things. She says we the world don't know enough about addiction to know if moderation is possible or not. I'm not sure what to say.
But I know my dad and her talked and agree they want her to try to control it. He took her out to a resteraunt and they drank a little, she had a beer the next night, tonight she's clearly a little tipsy.
I don't understand. When I drink I can go days and days without it and no problem. She drinks almost every day and that's "moderate".
I learned from what they taught my dad and sister in the family rehab program that her moderate drinking is higher than what it used to be because her brain put more receptors in her cells for the happy chemicals in alcohol. Now, her cells need more alcohol to feel happy like they used to, because they can absorb more.
And the receptors don't go away...
I just don't understand. I'm lost, and my dad is enabling her. My fiance doesn't understand my worries with how much HE drinks with his friend--he blows it off and says he's not addicted but I see similarities growing.
He struggles since turning 21 a month ago to go even 4 days with no alcohol.
WHY DO PEOPLE DRINK IT? Why? It's poison! Why would you do it?
Why do I smoke cigarettes? Why do I still go out and drink when I know what it's done?
And why can't people stop? Why can't I stop cigarettes? Why can't my dad not enable my mom? My mom not enable herself?
WHY DIDN'T REHAB WORK????
I don't understand! Nobody is thinking! Nobody! I'm the only one in my family who understands anymore. Nobody gets it. Nobody tries. I'm
SO
BEYOND
ANGRY right now!
I want my mom back! I want my mom back before she dies!
If she dies I swear I will go numb for the rest of my life. I couldn't live without her.
And she's killing herself...and so am I...with different chemicals...but hers is faster, and nobody is helping her quit.
((((((Shelliebear)))))) When I didn't get the answers to my WHY!! questions I also got very angry. Then I got told that the only answer to a Why question is another Why question if I don't use acceptance of what it is that I'm learning. Actually you are the one that knows what is going on and why...they don't and don't wanna. Accept it...find the phone number to the Al-Anon Family Groups in your area (white pages of your telephone book) and come meet some of us in a face to face meeting.
Others are coming to give you their ESH...Stick around or...keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
I was with you up til you wrote : "If she dies I swear I will go numb for the rest of my life. I couldn't live without her." Most of us have to find meaning in life when our parents die. You are no exception there. You have painted a scenario where you cannot live with her choices, but you say you can't live without her. That is a recipe to be unhappy.
Yeah, pretty much everything else you wrote about alcoholism and addiction is true - it's upsetting, but it doesn't have to ruin your life.
As far as the excuse - "people with eating disorders have to eat still" ...Well, that is true because you have to eat to survive. You do not have to drink alcohol to survive. It's a pretty ridiculous argument and it shows how much alcholism can distort a person's reasoning abilities.
Shellie - While it's extraordinarily painful and I know this is the 1 person you feel like you should have an unconditionally positive bond with - In my own experience, I had to distance myself from my parents to love them in a way that worked best for me and them. I do understand how frustrating this all must be. I would go to alanon face to face if you haven't already. Your mom has probably lost a lot to this disease already - If she could speak without the influence of alcoholism pulling on her, I am really betting she wouldn't want you to sacrifice yourself to the disease also.
