The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echo's of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration"
These are the words of American writer Pearl S. Buck. Easy for Pearl to say, did they ever try to have a relationship with a sick Alcoholic.? Even so, do you think that we can have meaningful connections with the alcoholic? After all they are human beings with needs and wants, even if they do make it difficult to connect most of the times. I think the goal is the same. To find Happiness.
Having healthy, satisfying relationships contribute to a fulfilling life. For instance , we may want so badly for a relationship to work that we subdue self expression to avoid displeasing the other person. Or we might be so afraid to lose the other person that we try to conrol every aspect of the relationship. I am of the belief that all relationships provide us with the opportunity for growth.
If we seek to find a fulfilling relationships we must seek to strengthen ourselves and honestly reflect on our own condition and actions. We must take responsibility for our own happiness. The relations we form are a reflection of our own inner life. Our relations will improve in accord to our own inner transformation. Alanon provides us with wonderful opportunities for self reflection and self improvement as we learn to take responsibility for our own happiness.
Thanks for the opportunity to share some of my thoughts.
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 16th of July 2012 06:29:45 PM
I agree completely. Before alanon)I did embrace these beliefs and believed in the importance of sharing my heart and opening my mind to others.
Having lived in an alcoholic household I had not developed the constructive tools that enabled me to do this in a healthy manner,
Not wanting to rock the boat and "fear " of being alone kept me using the tools learned as a child: of denial and pretend. In other words before al anon I was never real in a relationship and never knew the power of the connection of which you speak.
You are correct alanon has the answers Keeping the focus on myself, putting principles above personalities, living one day at a time, trusting HP and treating EVERYONE with respect and courtesy has transformed my life. I have never felt more real and connected not only to others but to the wonders of all the creatures and flowers that I see
I agree with our relationships reflecting in our inner life. My exA "said" I was unloveable. My friends "say" that I am stupid. Theyre falling away. Which, I think is a good thing. Now, I am fearful of being close to anyone. But, I am working on reprogramming these thoughts about myself. Hopefully I will draw new and healthier relationships soon. Thanks for the share.
