The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AF left this morning. We live on the west coast, he is from the east coast. He left here on a flight about an hour ago. I dropped him off at the airport. He had all of his clothes and pretty much everything he can transport that wasn't furniture or tools. I didn't even give him a hug goodbye. I couldn't even be nice when I dropped him off. He was still drinking all the way to the airport. He is a hot mess. He hasn't helped me financially since the end of April. But, he has had money to buy booze, hotels off and on, and a flight.
This was the same man that was sober from May 1st 2011- until May 1st 2012. We had a great year and our wedding was planned and we both started businesses. Life was pretty great! Then he drank and it all went to hell. I feel like the man I was with for three years is dead.
What a total waste.
I'll be OK, but how do you ever really get over someone that you love so dearly? He threw it all away to be drunk and dysfunctional. How can that better? How can that be better? I don't think I will ever really get it.
After I dropped him off he called me 4 times telling me he couldn't take all of his bags. I didn't answer and I didn't call him back. I guess he figured it out.
Would have been nice if he called to say he was sorry for everything. Nope, he called because he wanted me to solve his problem.
Glad I didn't answer.
I'm finally crying now. I know I need the cry.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Congrats Kat - I know that was not easy but you really just did yourself a world of good.
How can it get better? It won't get better with him and that is why you ended it. Will you get over it? Yeah. You will detach further and further. It will always be sad what happened to him and you might always feel some worry about him, but he is not your problem any longer.
I feel bad for my ex-A and what a dysfunctional person he is. My ex-A had a lot of potential and we spent 7 years together....we moved across the country together and away from our families. We went through a lot. BUT - he is not my problem. If his life is messed up now - that is his own issue. I have a good life now that I have worked hard to attain and that God has also granted me. I'm not suffering because my ex stayed an alcholic - he is.
I would definitely change the locks too (reading the rest of the above now)
-- Edited by pinkchip on Monday 16th of July 2012 06:33:53 PM
Oh dear, feel love and a big big (((((huuuuug)))))
Things get better , they always do...with time. Give yourself time, time to cry, time to heal, time to live. I know, it's awful, they are somewhat dead, but alive, and they just leave the memory, and maybe we don't get over them, because we need to keep them as a reminder, to never let it happen again. Take the good, leave the bad.
Not much can be said to relieve the pain,but we have to let it be and let it go. Now time has come to do YOUR thing...take a deep breath.
you are not alone, little angels are out there, everywhere..
It seems they didn't let him on the flight. I would assume it was because he was drunk. I was a flight attendant for 6 years, and we clearly didn't allow drunks on the flight. He hasn't called me, but his daughter on the other end got a call from him saying the flight was going to be several hours delayed. Big lie, that flight took off only 20 minutes late. It looks like there is another flight at 4pm our time. I suppose they booked him on that one and told him he could board if he sobered up. That won't happen. Oh Man! I need prayers, I cannot let him back here. If he shows back up here I am going to lose my mind.
Ugh. It's like one of those scary movies where everytime you think that the crazy guy is gone, he shows back up!
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Katfsh, trust your HP that the right thing will happen, if he doesnt get on this flight, he can get on the next. In order for the HP to take over, we have to get out of the way and let go, let it do its thing.
I know I wanted to hold on to the A , the marriage the whole mess because I didnt want to start over again. I didnt want to go thru the pain. Then I thought thats ridiculous, Im having the pain still being with him, it will just be another type of pain. The first year of being apart I have to say was difficult, but I knew I had to do it for me. I was with him for 28 years, think of it, thats a long time.
But, I was tired of doing for him, it was always about him, all the fiasco's , the health issues one after another. I can tell you just being on my own and just taking care of me, there's a lot to be said about it.
If we keep coming back, stick to the program, we should be able to have a healthy relationship with another person if thats what we want. Right now I figure I was married 3 times, add it all up thats 42 years of marriage, time for me to be single for awhile, maybe for good.
Hugs! Its good to get those feelings out - but in a day or so, find something to take your mind off him. Go out with friends, see a movie, whatever you can think of. I kind of like the locksmith idea... Although you can replace entire deadbolts and doorknobs yourself pretty easily and inexpensively :) Done it myself before.
