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Hi all, been reading some of the posts on here and have heard talk about an asset list.
It got me thinking one of the big affects that alcoholism has had on myself esteem is I am very critical and blamimg of myself. My ABF had no self esteem and pulled me down often in a very covert manner and this has took its toll over the past 7 years.
so what is good about me this is so hard.
I am sitting here and I am sitting here.
!;. I am a very hard worker
2, I am very loyal, committed
3, i am friendly
4, sometimes I feel pretty but at moment dont.
I believe I am intelligent
caring,
thoughtful,
I have confidence in my abilities, but not my worth.
I am a good friend
I am organised
getting on a role now. joking because I feel so awkward doing this. I want to love me like me. I can identify others qualities but it is hard to see my own, this is definatly something I need to work on.
any tips would be useful xx
tracy xx
-- Edited by Tracy on Sunday 15th of July 2012 05:46:51 AM
Making such a list (I've discovered) gets easier with practice. Eventually, with practice, you begin to feel the self-worth and it reflects in the choices you make. You can do all this, but not in a conceited way. I use to think such practice was not only selfish but full of oneself in an unhealthy kind of way. (Old thinking).
Productive post. I'm certain it will get others to think and possibly begin to do.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I agree with Gail, it gets much easier with practice and you do begin to "feel the truth" and your self esteem grows naturally
I had a sponsee who could not speak one asset for the longest time. . We end each telpehione conversationw with her searching for one asset she could see.
This women was a retired professional who had returned to school graduated with honors and begn a new career. She saw nothing positive about herself. Alcoholism takes a terrible toll on our inner being.
I like how hotrod put it: feel the truth. The truth is you are a person of worth; we all are. Our society, not just alcoholism, knocks us down. We unknowingly allow it.
Also, I would like to add another of my opinions based on my observationsL some professionals, please note that I say "some", seek self-worth, acceptance and the like through graduating with honors and working hard to get those initials behine their names. For example, John Smith PhD. But as in hotrod's example, they really have low self-esteem.
Our society is sick collectively and it's not all due to alcoholism (throwing in another opinion based on observations). I know I was sickly before I married my husband at the tender age of (gulp) 19. What the hell were my parents thinking? Okay, that's another thread and another message board....won't go there.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Tracy, you wrote "I have confidence in my abilities, but not my worth."
No "buts" are allowed :) - Seriously though.
That is what I always did, if complimented, I would quickly put myself down. If trying to talk about my strengths, I then discounted them.
It was so automatic that I didn't notice how often I was putting myself down.
When I got into recovery some of my new friends pointed it out (with humor) - They compared me to Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Of course now I see that confidence is different than being cocky. It took a while though. I didn't make regular lists per say - but I spent so much time devoted to self-improvement that it sort of happened naturally - not that my self-esteem is great and I still have serious lapses and get too easily hurt and offended - It's huge progress over hating myself and thinking I was a piece of crap though.
Tracy...good post and better work...this is how it is done. I was taught this way also and to learn how to do affirmation list often. I was also taught to go to the mirror and say to the image, "I love you...you're a great person" (I thought the suggestion to do this was insane...it's not) I also was taught to look at myself as the creator looks at me and that made me cry a while. "No greater love..."
I learned what Pink Chip suggests..."no buts". I was taught to use the connector "and" meaning that nothing cancelled out the other...both existed. Al-Anonners taught me that when I said "but" it would cancel out what was said before it and yet the whole description was true at some time or another or at the same time. I am loyal and dedicated and procrastinate at times to where I don't show up for duty. Both are true of me...I am not perfect or a saint.
This is a good growth post.
From my experience you are also persistent and open minded...open to change.
Hi Tracy - one suggestion I've done is, list the negative and horrible things you could be but are not! I am not a drug addict; I am not a child abuser; I am not mean to old people; I am not in jail; I am not unable to purchase on credit....
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thank you for bringing this up, Tracy. I learned, as a child, that my thoughts and feelings weren't valid. I still struggle with this issue along with many others, yet as I've gone along on life I've found that I'm actually proud of many of my accomplishments. Likemyheart gave a great suggestion to write a lost of "I'm nots" and then maybe follow it up with a list of truths about yourself(ourselves, too, LOL since I need to do this). Thanks again for sharing, you are a beautiful person and I love your input on these boards.
After years of blame, guilt and shame I directed towards myself for dishonoring myself by allowing another person to beat me down, I did not believe I could once again (still is a better word) be confident, courageous, loving and authentic in addition to behaving badly, at times (Jerry said it well). I possess all of these behaviors and I am no longer ashamed of any of them (usually!!!). As I worked my program, seeing in black/white, either/ began to disappear. I also know I need to see my "shadows" to keep me humble.
The lists and affirmations in the mirror are wonderful to rewire you, and, in time, you will find they become a KNOWING within you. Also, for me, I have to keep going to meetings and talk regularly with my sponsor.
Thank you for your share...it helped me. many hugs
Tracy: Man, you have a lot of posts. All I can say is keep posting & believing in yourself & those things will continue to be true. The things that are good about you will be good. Maybe some of the bad things will go away & you will have contentment even serenity beyond your wildest dreams!
The only thing I wanted to add is that 'daily affirmations' helped for me.... There are all kinds of lists (internet, self-help books, etc), and I was always challenged to find one that meant something to me on any given day.... After a short while of awkwardness, it became something I looked forward to, every day...
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
