Impulsive much? - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Impulsive much?

AStrongerMe · ~*Service Worker*~

It took me awhile to connect as well. I'm not sure why but I think I was guaging myself on my ability to assess things? Not that I was perfect at it regardless LOL but after about 2 years of on and off dating I began to develop feelings/connection again. Have fun with it, no expectations, enjoy the attention!

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

I've learned alot from casual dating that I missed out when I was younger. There have been some not so great experiences but they have helped me to grow so it is OK. I do have to keep a close eye on my internal conflict meter, seems i have developed a true passion for my personal time. When I feel pressure, even when it is reasonable, to spend time with someone or to make adjustments in my life, I get grouchy LoL Maybe a backlash for over compromising at other points in life

At one time I thought the goal of dating was to make a connection with everyone ... the draw them out of thier shell and make them like me thing. Dating is a different experience when that is not my goal. Like you described it felt a bit like going through the motions so I have taken a break and gotten busy with other things I get excited about for now.

I think it is great you are experiencing new things and people in your new environment. If any changes need to be made you will feel it.

Jen

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

For me, I think it's good to be dating more than one person in a casual way. I used to get so fixated on the person I was with -- as Jennifer says, thinking, "How can I make him like me??" As if each one was the last person in the world. I was looking at whether he'd like me more than whether I liked him. I think it's good to have a sense of abdundance, and to realize that when a red flag comes up, or you simply don't connect that well, there will be plenty of other chances with other people. So as long as you're not feeling stressed or over-busy, it sounds as if it might be a good thing.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I found out in recovery that the problem in my relationships was basically me. The more discovery I did about myself during and after new relationships caused me to detach further from the "need" to have a realtionship other than the one I had with my HP and myself. I'm still working on myself...changing because I need to. I was deeply affected by my family of orgin...the alcoholics and addicts and still carry that around with me from time to time. My early fellowship taught me "Where ever you go that's where you are". I have to take a new me often. I am sub-consciously impulsive. It operates below the level of active awareness. I'm impulsive when I'm not attempting to be impulsive. That is the pardigm I got into recovery with.

Good post...(((((hugs))))) smile

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

For myself I gave every intimate moment and event to my AHSober of over 30 years. I don't know if I have anything to give to anyone again. I would like to do things with groups - both men and women. Good luck!

Nancy

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

It sounds like you are doing great!! Sometimes you might not feel chemistry right off the bat doesn't put them out of the friend category and it is always better to start any relationship off as friends vs romantic .. that's just my opinion on that one. It takes time to really get to know someone. I also believe that people tend to put things out there when it's the friend deal vs romantic because there is no pressure to be something they are not. We just live in a society that is way to much hurry up and get there vs enjoying the ride.

Hugs P :)

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