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I am going to ask a very basic question. I already know the answer to it, but sometimes it helps to get everyone else's input. My AW planned a cook-out for all of my family for this weekend. We were going to pick up my parents and my sister and meet at my grandmother's house about 90 out of town.
A few hours ago, she called to tell me that she didn't feel like going (I know this to usually mean she has decided to drink). When I came home, she was drinking. I have left her home alone before for several hours while she was drinking, but never over night.
I know that it is not my responsibility if she accidentally hurts herself, but it is so hard for me to make this step and keep my plans in spite of her decision to drink. I also know that my desire to stay here to protect her, is actually causing her more harm and it is nothing more than my own co-dependence.
Well, I guess this is less of a question and more of a... could I please have a little encouragement in making this tough choice.
I have had a hands off policy with my A's for a year and a half and with it has come some peace and serenity for me. Mine are grown ups and I can no longer own thier decisions. I babysit children only these days. Sorry to be so blunt, but my life is so much less hectic since I learned to change the things I could and put it into action. I know this is so hard! Sending you much love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
If it were me I would go. And I did. Although mine is a BF and he doesn't live with me but he was in an active relapse at a hotel and I carried on with my 4th of July plans and left town overnight.
When I was faced with such a difficult choice I made a list of the pros and cons of the situation. .I was then able to see my choices with more clarity and where I needed to place my principles above the personalities involved.
Since you both initiated the event and she is not going Is it possible to pick up mom and sister, go to the outing and then say you must return home the same evening .
I understand that a 90 mile trip is quite a distance however it might be worth that for your peace of mind.
Thanks for your advice and support. I thought about it and have come to peace with the decision to go. If I stay, I feel like I am letting her choice to drink override my freedom to spend time with my family. It just feels wrong to stay home just in case something happens. If she was sick, that would be one thing. Maybe she will be a little more responsible when there is no one to clean up her messes. Besides, I can always call or text her, so hopefully that will give me a little more sanity about the situation.
At the end of the day, I guess I am hoping that when she gets up tomorrow and is home and hungover, while we are all together having fun... well, I know it won't cure her drinking. Maybe, however, she will take it as another indication that she is letting alcohol control her life.
That's good detachment Eddie. What does your sponsor say? You do see the picture clearly and I had to learn how to see it that way and then make the different decision that got me the different consequence. The different consequences make me understand that my life was changing and so I continue to practice making the right choices for me and involving a power greater than myself over and thru it all. Have a great time...try to leave her out of your conversations also. ((((hugs))))
I support your decision. If you stayed home it would be to babysit her. She is grown. It's good for you to not fall into patterns of treating her like a child even if she acts childish and selfish.
Thank you all very much for your advice and support!!!! I did go out of town last night and am having a great time with my family. I made the right decision and I hope that this is yet another step for me in getting better and breaking some of my co-dependant patterns.
Even though it has been only a little over a week since I joined, I feel that being a part of this forum has been a HUGE step in my recovery and I deeply thank each and every one of you, I know that I have a long road ahead of me, but it feels so much brighter because I know that at least I am getting healthier!
