The topic in my meeting last night was focusing on yourself. We read the 12/29 entry in Courage to Change, which concludes with the quote "A man can see a speck on someone's hair, but cannot see the flies on his own nose". It's a great quote for me and a great topic for me as for really my entire adult life, my focus as been on other's shortcomings and not on my own actions and behavior.

In the meeting, someone said something very basic and simple, and I wish I could remember the direct quote, but it was along the lines of "if you are bothered by what someone is doing or not doing, that is your problem and not theirs". I know it's very simple but it has stuck with me since I heard it, and I realize how much of an impact being bothered by others' behavior has on me everyday.

Here is a very basic example, but so consistent with what I often think and feel. Earlier today at work, I bumped into a colleague who works in my department but in another office. She hasn't been here long and the two of us haven't really developed much of a relationship. Not for any specific reason, other than we just haven't spent much time together. Anyway, we passed each other in the hallway at work and quickly said hello without stopping where we were both headed. I walked away from this brief, meaningless encounter with an immediate, almost reflex like negative reaction. I thought to myself "wow, that wasn't very friendly of her". But really, how friendly was I? At least she smiled, I did not. If I had made a greater effort to be friendly, it would have undoubtedly been returned.

But then, on reflecting on it more, I become aware of so many other feelings--she is a "rising star" in the group, despite being here a short time. I, on the other hand, have been here for over a decade and I get much less visibility than she does. Also, I indirectly helped her get her job as I used her as a freelancer before she came to work in our group. But now, she has almost nothing to do with me. Thirdly, she spends a significant amount of time with my boss, who is spending less and less time with me (for the right reasons, not because of anything personal). Realizing these things helps me to understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and reacting like I do...

Getting to the root of these feelings that I experience day in and day out, both at work and at home, is really powerful and feels like a breakthrough of sorts.

-- Edited by usedtobeanyer on Friday 13th of July 2012 02:26:56 PM