The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Been attending alanaon for few mts, my group consist of all married women with AH,, i attend because of my 33 yr old son,,having a hard time with powerless, first instinct is to rescue child when falling down,, no compassion for mothers,, is there literature that would help Moms??
I attended alanon at first because I was married to an alcoholic and then after he passed because my precious son was an alcoholic.
I live in NYC and many of the members are single dealing with live in boyfriends. I found it did not matter-- The disease is the same, the feelings are the same (not as intense as with a child) ,the alanon solution works for everyone.
Work the Steps, get a sponser, use the slogans, pray and focus on yourself
Aloha Oldhippie...The problem (one of them) I had when I first got into Al-Anon was that there were no men in the room....It was all women and I had difficulties because of the thought that "I don't fit". A later suggestion to me was "look for the similarities not the differences" and when I put that into motion the whole program changed for me. Not only did I fit but I began to learn a lot fast. "Alcoholism affects every one it comes into contact with..." was part of the definition of alcoholism. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
I live in a big city and most of the meetings are filled with parents who are struggling with their children and addictions. The women whose husbands were alcoholics all have them in recovery now or had divorced them. I felt so out of place as my AH had just got a DUI and was still binge drinking and I am still married to him. I stayed in those meetings because the program is for all of us and I knew I could learn something from them even if their experience with addiction was different from mine. You may be surprised at what you learn from those ladies if you just focus on the program and focus on the Al Anon materials. An addict is an addict, whether they are our children, our parents, our brother/sister, or our spouse. Keep coming back!!
I echo what the others have said here, and particularly love what 'Ilovedogs' said, as "addiction is addiction is addiction". Al-Anon will help, whether your A is a spouse, friend, son/daughter, mother/father, etc....
One book I would recommend is "Getting Your Children Sober", written by Toby Rice Drews.
Take care
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hello oldhippie. I know this is not how you envisioned your baby's life to be. It is so hard for parents.
I am married to an A and have two brothers who are A's. I remember watching my Mom deal witht hem and how hard it was on her. I so wish that she would find Al-Anon. Try to keep in mind that many of us who are married to an A grew up with the disease and have other family members who are also A's. Many of us have watched our parents struggle and agonize with a siblings Alcoholism. We do know how much it hurts you and it hurts us to watch you struggle with the tools of the program that seem at first to be totally against a Mothers instinct. We only want you to grow in the program and find some peace, but there are very few things we could say that will make what you need to learn any easier.
Just know that we love you and are pulling for you. I bet at least some of the other ladies at your meeting feel the same way. They just don't know how to show or say it to a parent.
Like the others have said, look for the similarities, not the differences. The others all love their A's, too. Focus on that and how they got through the rough spots.
I hope this will help. I know how hard it is in small towns where you have few options for meetings, but you can still find the help you want.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
My face to face meeting was very uncomfortable for me because it seemed I was the only one there who's child is an addict. Once i got the nerve to speak I asked if anyone could relate with me on a "mother" level. They all raised their hands. Each of them had children with this disease but to this day they will not talk about it. They continue to concentrate on their spouses or partners. So I come to meetings here every morning almost where many of us have addicted children and speak about it. I would like to ditto what some of the other replys have said. Addiction is addiction, we all work the same steps in order to restore some sanity to our lives. I get so much out of others experiences and the things that sound like something i could try I do it. Pls keep getting to meetings and working the program, it will help you immensly Prayers of comfort to you!
