The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I too puzzled about this and finally understood that "surrender" and admitting my powerlessness was simply accepting reality.
I am poweless over making the sun rise, the moon appear, the wind blow That does not mean I am helpless. When the sun shines, I can go to the shade wear sun block, and sun glasses .
Powerless means I can not change a situation it does not mean I can not care for myself in the situation
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 13th of July 2012 07:23:16 AM
I see it one way but I"m sure a more seasoned person will be able to do a better job. Powerless means we cannot control something. Alcoholic can't stop drinking, AlAnoner can't make people do things they want them to, we are powerless over those things.
Helplessness is when we do not believe we can do something. An alcoholic has the ability to learn not to pick up the drink by using the 12 steps. Someone in Al Anon can develop tools to build boundaries and bring serenity. We may not have the power over our alcoholic or drinking, but we can help ourselves by going to meetings, doing the 12 steps, getting a sponsor and taking care of ourselves.
I don't know if that is any help at all, it even feels a little confusing to me :)
My father is the alcholic in my life. He has been drinking my entire life (I am in my late 30s) and I am powerless to stop him. Nothing I say or do will keep him from picking up the drink. My father never completed his education. He dropped out of high school and eventually earned his GED, but did not go to college and as a result has had a long string of unstable employment. I am powerless over his educational and career choices. My father married my mother and their marriage did not go well, so they divorced. I am powerless over the fact that my father will not seek help for his problems and therefore has had relationship difficulties.
However, I am not helpless.
In my own life, I have chosen recovery. I have chosen to make every effort get better and to enter recovery from the effects of growing up with an alcholic. I chose to enter therapy and learn how to express my feelings, to talk about my experiences openly and honestly, and to trust others. I am on my third city in the last 10 years and in each place I have sought out Alanon, attended meetings regularly, and made recovery friends.
I have chosen to pursue an education. I went to college and I have completed graduate school. This has opened up opportunities for me that would not be available without the education and training.
I am in a good, rewarding, enriching romantic relationship that I work hard at maintaining and nurturing.
I was diagnosed with a serious and chronic, but not terminal medical condition over which I am powerless, but I am not helpless: I eat right, I take daily medication, and I exercise. There is no cure, so I can't heal myself but I can work hard to still keep myself in the best condition.
I am powerless over other people's histories, choices, and paths. However, I am not helpless. I choose to live each day with purpose and a positive attitude.
Aloha and how Blue Cloud put it is how I learned it in early program...I am powerless over people, places and things and not helpless to choose the good stuff for my own life. When I took my focus off of my alcoholic/addict wife and all of the other alcoholics and alcoholic behaviors in my life and put the focus on myself entering the Al-Anon Family Groups my life started to go very well..."They" all continued to do the same things over and over again and I wasn't affected by it.
If you think of the serenity prayer, you are powerless over the things you cannot change. You are not powerless over things you can change. That is where you are not helpless. Change the things you can. You feel much more serene and you "live in the solution" to problems rather than drowning in them when you direct your energies into things you can change.
None of us are helpless, we can choose to move on from relationships with alcoholics - and/or we can draw boundaries - we can seize our own lives back - focus on our careers....whatever. The whole ship does not sink because of another person is an alcoholic.
I like the ESH you have received what struck me is pink share about the serenity prayer. Powerlessness for me was giving up my hallucination of control over other people, places, things and for me the past.
What I am not powerless over is how I choose to act in any given situation, what I'm willing to let go of each day, how I choose to live my life, .. regardless whatever chaos is going on around me. This plays out in many areas of my life at this point. I have to figure out what I can choose to do differently. I ask myself often, can I control it (of course I want to .. lol), if I can't .. is there anything about the situation I can change and then knowing what to do with it so I don't get caught in stinking thinking.
When I admit my powerlessness .. soooooo many more choices come flooding forward that I would have never seen had I continued to try and control the situation. So no .. while the situations around me may be chaos I am not a helpless victim in the wind.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I am poweless over making the sun rise, the moon appear, the wind blow That does not mean I am helpless. When the sun shines, I can go to the shade wear sun block, and sun glasses .
This is exactly what I needed! thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
