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Before I left my exA, I wouldnt havr described myself as angry. Depressed and anxious, absolutely. But, I feel like Ive become an angry person since. Im angry not just at him, but also at my friends who were supportive of me during the relationship, but have since dumped me because they couldny control my grief. Im angry and irritable. I keep reading about anger, and about how I need to let it go or it will hurt only me. But this is really foreign. I have some moments were I positively feel like the Hulk or something. Sometimes, it makes me feel like ai might be going crazy. I want to just push everyone away now...just RAAAHHHH 'xxxx'! But, I know its probably fear of more people walking awat from me. That would be a way to control what.I cant...at least Ill know whst to expect right?... so I know that is not a healthy option. Just grrrrr!!!
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 12th of July 2012 06:43:51 PM
I have felt like that and pushed people away at times, I am now able to be soft and vulnerable again and let people in. With boundaries and this program I feel better able to choose the right kind of people to let in. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I let myself be angry for awhile after. Pretty soon, I got tired of it and was ready to try something different. Sometimes I think trying to tell ourselves we should or don't feel something we do isn't helping us. Sometimes it has to be "yep, I"m angry and it's ok" and then we process it and educate ourselves on where it comes from and how to diminish it as time goes on.
The more I tell myself I shouldn't feel something, the worse it gets. I was highly pissed the first 2 years post divorce. Really only at him but it doesn't matter. I have been letting it go, still have work to do on it.
Boy I get the anger part! I'm generally a peaceful and low key person and my Aspouse triggers me and I don't even recognize the person I become~checking up on my spouse like I'm a PI. I found journaling about the anger and other feelings can help to get it out, especially if you do it on a regular basis. I'm approaching almost 21yrs with my Aspouse, and I feel like I never want to be in a romantic relationship again. My first marriage of 13 yrs was to an addicted person, I got alot of help, and thought I would never repeat this dysfunction again. Guess what? I did. Lyne
You have gotten some GREAT ESH already I just wanted to say it's pretty normal to feel angry during and after a relationship with an A. I know for me I spent time beating myself up for why didn't I see it, why did I buy it, why why why why and then the why turned into anger driven protection from others. I had to get tired of being angry and then I could say well .. that's not working either.
It is completely ok to feel feelings they are yours. They just need to be processed in an appropriate way, and you can process them and still be so very gentle with yourself. You have been through enough at this point and time there is no need to beat yourself up or keep others out especially when all they want to do is love you through this difficult time.
Sending a LOT of love and support be gentle with you, hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Yes, I have been very angry and bitter. My AHSober left our marriage after 30 years. I finally had to own my anger, understand what I was angry about, and find appropriate ways to express it. Sometimes I have my pity party and justify what I do. Sometimes I wonder how I can be angry at a disease that we are all powerless over including my AHsober. More so now my anger doesn't last. With that being said I'm still bitter and will probably have this for a long time.
Thank you so much everyone. Ive been feeling particularly angry at a friend who actively formulated a plan to control my grief because she didnt like it, and then got mad because I took sometime away from speaking to her. And then, when I was ready to speak to her and make amends for the many times I played the victim, she told me that she did not want to be my friend anymore and revealed she had upset me on purpose. I was reading from CoDependent No More this evening, and read about the Karpman Drama Triangle. And, I had an aha moment. I kept my exA as my often persecuter, and she was my rescuer . Having the two of them in my life kept me in the victim role. A role I have a"needed" to be in for various reasons. And what specifically makes me angry about her actions is(I say that with the understanding tjat I chose to be in these relationships.) the message that I am not capable of learning from my relationship w/ my exA, and of recognizing and working on my character defects. Yes. That is what specifically makes me mad. But, now ai see what a good thing has happened. I no longer have my primary persecuter or rescuer in my life. I am freed. And I did that and my HP helped.because I really dont want that role.anymore. The hard part for me is I think I am continuing to play these roles out in my own head against myself. And I must take care to not find someone new to fill these roles.because they are familiar and comfortable. Anyway, I feel like I am on the right track. Thanks for your ESH and for listening.
Afterthought...well well. It makes me mad that someone else thought I wasnt capable of dealing with my own life. Welp...I guess now I know what my exA probably felt about me. Ill add that to the list of amends I hope to make to him someday.
I still get angry and resentful when I think about my ex; however, I don't stay in anger long because to me it seems like such a secondary emotion. When I start examining my anger it usually has to do with feeling depressed, anxious, fearful, worthless, ashamed, guilty, etc. In my relationship with my ex my feelings were not acknowledged nor were my emotional needs met. Anger didn't work off me anymore either. As a result, my emotions were so huge and Overwhelming that they would come out in a full blown rage. It was awful. I had never experienced that before. The anger is going away the more I get into my recovery. I am real about addressing what's underneath and I am trying so hard to make sure I meet my own needs. When I am angry, as you may recall from older posts, I just get it all our with safe ppl. About to say my prayers and go to bed. I will pray for us both to find serenity.
Being angry can be a sign of progress in certain occassions. From all you have written - sounds like you are fed up of the same old same old and now you are ready for change. With break ups there is often first depression and then it turns to anger many times - If harnessed, that anger can be productive. Most of what you wrote seems to indicate that you are using it productively.
It's no longer about "How could they treat me this way!!!???" and now it's about "WTF. Those people are jerks! How did I let myself get treated that way!!??" That's progress in my book. - As long as the anger doesn't go overboard.
