The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is a better day for me. Last night was tough. I actually told family and friends that I am no longer engaged and no longer in a relationship. I even changed my Facebook status! LOL. The outpouring of love and support from all of my friends, family, and co-workers is such a blessing. I can't even believe how much love and support they are giving me.
exAF is still here and making plans to go back East. He asked me to spend today with him before he goes. I said No. I don't want to spend time with him. He is drunk. I don't care what he thinks he needs right now. He is hurt and sad that I won't spend his last day on the West Coast with him. I just don't want to, and he can't make me.
I want closure today. I want to be alone or with someone other than him. I need to take care of my mental health right now and spending time with him drunk isn't it. He keeps telling me he doesn't think he can leave me. I keep praying to God to keep me strong. So far so good. I haven't taken that bait once. I told him he made a choice to drink again, and he knew that if that happened, he would probably lose me. So, it happened..he lost me. He drank. That's why it happened. I can't live waiting for this again and again. I don't deserve that kind of life.
I am going to keep going forward now. But, man is this tough.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
I am still doing OK. But, he won't leave! I keep finding myself getting really angry at him. I don't want him here, I don't want to see him, I don't want to talk to him. I am DONE. But, he won't just leave. He says he is going, now he is waiting on some money. Ugh. I feel like I am stuck until he leaves. I am starting to feel that resentment, that I have to figure out how to pay all the bills alone, and he keeps drinking and drinking, and doing nothing productive. When he is sober he is such a good, hard working guy. He does things around the house as well. But, this never ending bender is just like a nightmare. I hope he goes soon. Although, I don't think they will even let him on a plane like this. Then what?
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
I don't know if you have read Getting them Sober but an alcoholic is actually quite hard to get rid of. In their insanity they expect us to forgive them on a dime. The alcoholics I know require a great deal of attention. One way I have found to get some distance is to stop giving them that attention. I stop paying attention to their drinking and using, where they are and when. I let go.
Of course that isn't easy. For me making a plan be was so essential in getting to a point of letting go of the alcoholic. I worked on what I needed if indeed I left the alcoholic. My plan be was very very rough but nevertheless it took the focus off him. I stopped waiting for him to do something.
I've been around the block on worrying about an alcoholic getting on a plane, being told they are going to jail the next day, all the excuses they make to push me back into the role they need. I had to work really really hard on making it all about me rather than all about them.
Good luck. Personally I had to stop going to face book for support and care. The temptation to go and look at things I should not be looking at was too strong for me. I had to opt out.
He can be God's problem, for sure. I just wish God would get him out of my house. =)
I did read the book Getting Them Sober, and I do see how hard they are to get rid of. It's all smoke and mirrors when he has threatened to leave. But, dang! Now I really want him to go!!
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
