The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
they refuse to abide by your boundaries? I have repeatedly asked AH to not come near the kids or me when he has been drinking. We have a finished basement with an extra bed, tv, half bath, etc. He will not go down there. Will not leave the house either. Today I discovered he had been drinking while he was outside working on our car. He had our eight year old son out there helping him, then when I went out to see if everything was going ok, I could tell he had been drinking. Of course he denied it, until I found the bag with empty vodka bottles in it and the receipt confirming he had just purchased it last night. I tried to use the Al-Anon approach: remained calm, reminded him that he was not supposed to be around us if he was going to choose to drink. A little while later I asked him if he should maybe go to a meeting and he agreed. Left the house, then came home a couple of hours later stinking drunk. I threatened to call the police and have him removed from the house, but he went to grab the phone and when I pushed him away from me, he was so drunk that he fell completely backwards onto the floor, coming within inches of slamming his head. The kids freaked and I had to corral them into my bedroom. Didn't want to call the police by that point because they were already so upset.
So now he's passed out on my couch in the living room. What do you do when they refuse to leave? Yes, I know I can make that choice, but first of all- I don't have anywhere I can go. My family doesn't live nearby and my closest friend is thousands of miles away. I have a few other friends, but they are not close enough that I feel I can just show up on their doorstep with my three little boys. Second, I have to be realistic, I have young kids- I can't stay out of the house forever. I have looked into restraining orders, but from what I have read, I wouldn't be able to get one because he has not been abusive. I am trying so hard to put this boundary in place, but he refuses to acknowledge it. Did anyone else have this experience, and if so, what did you do?
Keep praying and connecting with your HP and a situation will present itself.
After 26 years of his drinking I was just at my wits end. I remember I told him to get in the car we were going for a drive. I drove to the nearest AA and there were men standing in the driveway. I opened the door and I yelled you need to help this man. They all came running over and grabbed him, that was about 7 years ago. We have been divorced 5 years now, but that was his intro to AA and though he hit many more rock bottoms, he stuck with AA. He is sober today. He found many friends and people he could connect with, that understood him like we cant.
The A was at the point that he would have followed anyone , anywhere. I don't know what your story will be. Just keep praying for a solution and tell HP make it soon.
I will be praying for you. Go to as many face to face meetings as you can, bring the kids. Keep busy and away from the house as much as possible so you dont have to constantly see him.
I appreciate the prayers. It's weird for me because I am religious- I even teach my kids' Sunday School classes! But the whole thing with Al Anon about leaving it to your HP is the hardest part for me. I believe in and respect a HP, but for some reason it's not a comfort for me. Never has been. My theory of it is because I was brought up in a household with a verbally, and at times physically abusive father and a mother who refused to stand up for me and protect me from him. So I have always had a difficult time being able to feel like the HP will help me and/or guide me, or just generally care at all about what happens to me, because I just don't know what that feels like, I guess. I want to get to that place that all of you are at, but I haven't yet been able to. I recognize that I don't have any control over this. I have prayed for answers. I just don't feel like I'm being listened to.
I grew up without a close, personal relationship with my HP. My A Father would drop me off at church on Sunday and go to the bar. I lived in a very small town and was the daughter of the town drunk. Everyone knew him & what he was; kids made fun of me because of him and I just knew that I must be lower than pond scum cause no one cared about the abuse I suffered at his hand. I was probably 30yrs old before I truly asked God for help. Help did come but it wasn't in the form of a burning bush, but a little voice inside of me...I just had to learn to listen and stop expecting my HP to fix everything for me.
Ask yourself this question: How did you find Al-anon.....on your own or were you guided by a HP?
I LOVE that question. Finding this site was definitely an answered prayer for me. I am very rational and tend to try to find reasons other than that to explain how it happened but there was no denying it this time.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
