The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to think I was Wonder Woman - key words = USED TO. As I've matured, I've come to realize that I don't have the power to fix anyone's problems. But I do think it is human nature to try & help our fellowman(woman), knowing our limits is the key....like the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink" -- or my own version: you can drive them to rehab but you can't work their program for them.
Don't beat yourself up for the past 12yrs. I'm sure you did the very best you could with the knowledge you had. And I do agree with AStrongerMe - you are not screwed - you've come to the right place - keep coming back.
-- Edited by Path to Serenity on Sunday 8th of July 2012 11:05:16 PM
so I was talking with a friend of mine and kindof going through the last week my wife going to rehab and staying with her for 12 years. he told me I suffered from "superman syndrom" and that i'm screwed. I wasn't happy with his assumption so I din't inquire further. So I thought I would go to a place where the people might really know. So is it a real thing or just some smoke and mirror BS answer he gave me?
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
Hi rellik - I just typed "what is the superman syndrome" into the address bar of my browser -these are just a couple of descriptions that sound like they fit here. Not sure I'd say you were screwed, but I would try to find out what paths are suggested to take to minimize the hold being a superman has on you.
consists of the failure to recognize our human needs and limitations, while seeking to meet the needs of others.
the saviour: the person constantly feels the urge to try and help or "save" others, comforting them in times of distress whenever possible.
That kind of man is what you might call a "white knight." And he sees it as his mission in life to "save" women he views as "damsels in distress" -- only to make them his, of course
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Well by those definitions I have or have had Superman syndrome .... although at present moment I deserve the title "white maid" more than maiden or knight
Not bad qualities to have unless I start sacrificing myself or placing more importance on another's well being over my own. AlAnon's practices and tools, in particular staying busy and keeping the focus on me, helps keep a balance for me.
I like Jenn's response because it is solution oriented and that is what saves me everytime. You're still a newbie here Rellik...give yourself time to listen and learn....listen with an open mind and you will find help. Seems you got some of that because you're willing to question feedback rather than take it at face value. That is going to go a long way in getting you help. For me "people talk whether they know what their talking about or not". In the family groups most of the talk comes from or with experience and I get to trust a whole lot more.
Early recovery we use to talk about wearing the blue shirt with the red "S" on it but didn't talk about that forever because we were changing.
Keep coming back...stick around and read. Hope your wife is feeling more safe where she's at without the booze. Mine went thru rehab with a bag over her head (not kidding) because she came to understand that if she didn't allow herself to "be led blindly thru recovery" she would never make it. Last time I saw her she was sweet and she was sober. There is a Higher Power and as far as I know that HP doesn't wear a costume and isn't me.
You aren't screwed, it's something you can learn to undo. I have it also although the degree is much less than it was say 10 years ago. We can always grow.
