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Wow, another sleepless night. Oh, if only I could get back all those wasted hours of no sleep from this terrible disease.
It is 3:22 in the morning and I just figured out that my hp works in mysterious ways. Tonight my AH got drunk and high after taking a handful of xanax. I cannot believe he is still alive. He told me he took a handful before the party because he was anxious about going to a party and not being able to drink. He really wanted to go, so we went. I told him I wasn't drinking either, thinking stupidly that that might help him. Anyway, he wanted to argue all the way home, which I ignored. He wanted to argue when we got home and I went to bed. Then he came in and woke me up and yelled, "I want a divorce. Draw up the papers." I don't know why I engaged, but I did. I asked him if he really wanted that and told him he would be losing everything, even the kids. I even asked him to put it in writing, which he refused of course. Then I told him that I would call my attorney Monday and suggested that he might want to start calling around to find a place to live. All of a sudden he started backtracking and saying he won't sign divorce papers blah, blah, blah. Anyway. I have been waiting for the moment when I know I am ready to leave the marriage. My counselor told me I would know when the time came. I guess maybe this is that moment. I guess my hp just wanted to push me a little in my decision making by having him bring it up. This is all so crazy. He came in and laid in the bed which he hasn't slept in in 3 weeks so I am on the couch typing because I can no longer sleep and I definitely don't want to be lying next to him tonight!
Thanks for letting me vent. If anyone has had a similar experience or any advice, I would love to hear it. Someone tonight told me, "I cannot believe you are still married and haven't left him long ago." My only response to her was, "I still love him." That sounds crazy!!!!
My experience with my STBXA has been I'm suppose to be a good little woman and just take it. I was suppose to wait until HE was ready for the divorce. So I let him be the one to bring it up and then I followed through on it. It shocked the crap out of him.
He wanted to be in control was my experience. I was suppose to be a scared frightened little girl, crying and whining all the way down the road. That's not who I am, ok .. lol .. at least anymore.
You are right though when you are ready to leave you will know. It's a painful ride, it's been healing for me too. It's not an easy ride because you are not dealing with a rational person.
My sponsor suggested to me that I do the footwork and step back meaning find an atty, allow HP to do HP's work and then I will know what to do and when to do it. I had an atty at least 3 or 4 months before I filed. I had meetings, sponsor, 12 step friends who walked me through the darkest times. My counselor said to me that when I exhausted everything else that I would eventually leave.
The other thing I encourage you to do is .. don't discuss on open boards/forums. You don't know what he knows and you don't want that information coming up to bite you in the butt.
Again that's my opinion, my thoughts, my experience, take what you like. Know everyone here is going to support you the best way they can, you def need a support face to face group to hold your hand as you travel through this experience. I couldn't have done this two years ago .. I couldn't have handled it with any kind of dignity, grace, and choosing NOT to engage him. I do pretty good most of the time, about 98%. I'm proud of the fact none of his crazy friends can point the finger at me and say SHE did this or SHE did that .. your right SHE'S crazy. I'm sure more than one of them feel sorry for him because of the fact he's fully seeing his consequences. He will continue to do so for a long time to come. That's not
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It always seemed whenever I wouldnt allow the XA to push my buttons, he would always go to the divorce thing. He never acted on it of course, I always say look at their actions , not what they say. I was the one that finally took the action. Also when your husband was talking about divorce wasnt he under the influence. I would always say lets discuss this when your sober. That seemed always the best time to have any discussion.
Also dont listen to people's opinions about what you should do about the alcoholic unless they attend Alanon. They dont understand the disease or the program. I never discussed anything with any outsiders. Its your business only.
Who knows why the alcoholic says the things he says when under the influence . I learned to detach for my own self preservation and that takes practice. Keep coming back .
I just spent a similar night. I really am just so fragile now. I did tell my husband he had to choose wine or wife. don't know what is going to happen.I know that is just the beginning of something worse. I have bi polar and abandonment issues and am 65. He doesn't want to go out if he can not drink. Blames me for anything. I am taking care of elderly parents 93 alzheimers and 86 mother mentally ill. doing this for over 4 years. I am hopeless. My shrink said to get a sponser and join Al-anon. I am lost
((((avo))))...you have one smart and experienced shrink...Take their suggestion for the next 90 days...meetings and sponsor and see how that turns out for you. Crazy/insane is one indication of the disease so you are normal...not feeling good about it but....normal. Welcome to MIP where all of us wear the same size shoes. (((((hugs)))))
Yeah...I had that experience with my ex. I walked out with 2 grocery bags of clothes..stayed with my friend for 1 month, dove into the 12 steps...moved out on my own. It was a very rough year. I loved my EX but he was toxic for me. I still love him but he is not someone I was meant to live my life with. He's sick and I can't fix him and never could. I have enough to focus on trying to meet my own life goals.
