The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I also have a son with mental illness. It's either bipolar or schizophrenia, but typically the final diagnosis truly waits. But he can't function without a lot of heavy duty mood stabilizers and impulse meds. Heartbreaking really.
He was sent to live with his great aunt (story a couple months ago). As hard as that was, as much as I miss him so much, it was hands down the best thing we ever did. First, the great aunt who has been alone most of her life has someone there with her and has a focus and does pretty darned good with him.
Granted, the added mix of his two brothers is removed and he has always been a kid who functions super well when he gets all the attention. But he's given her a few runs for her money! She's dealt with some stubbornness that even shocked her... a special ed teacher for 30 years!
My two other boys are beginning to act normally together. They are showing new skills - cooperation, kindness, helping, etc. When you remove someone who sets the entire house off, people mature.
Let me tell you HOW closely mood illnesses mirror alcoholic sick thinking. It's uncanny. The self deceit, the lies, the games, the blackmail, the inability to care for themselves and the need for control. It's nearly identical.
My oldest and youngest are becoming friends. I'm slowly able to let my oldest "watch" my youngest (16 and 9 on Wednesday). They laugh together and are not reacting all the time. I'm sitting here tonight, we have a little boy over for a sleep over and there is NO chaos. NO crazy making. It's a relief.
I hope that after a year of working on new skills, being removed from the environment he was "stuck" in and a year of maturity that we can bring him back and he'll be a part of the family instead of the usual destruction of the family. There are no guarantees here. A year was the longest I could stomach. Despite his issues - he's my son and I want him here and a year is going to be a killer to go through as it is.
Focusing on the positive, I need it right now. It's very important to me. And my son is having a great birthday :)
I do remember the story about your son and how difficult it was for you to make a decision to send him to his grandmother and Aunt.
I have a young relative with Bi-Polar, one diagnoses that they and the family will need to live with and learn to deal with....especially once the child is over 18yrs and legally seen as an adult.
It seems that for the time you have so much that is positive coming from your decision as regards your other children.
I do so hope you are able to keep the arrangement for a good time. it will give you much needed rest. If he comes home earlier for any reason at least the Aunt and Grandmother will hopefully be much more understanding of the situation and continue to be supportive of you.
You will I trust be aware of the many web sites which have forums and information on the mood disorders.
Sounds like your decision was made with great thought and great love for all your sons. I can surely understand how much you must miss the son who went to live with his Aunt but it seems he is making great strides and that it very well may have been the change he needed. Really Kudos to you on being a great Mom ! Blessings
