when should a wife call the AH's sponsor? - Al-Anon Family Group

FriendT · Newbie

when should a wife call the AH's sponsor?

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

I would ask that question of my own sponsor and did. My sponsor knew me best and that is who I trusted. ((((hugs))))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I hope you are attending meetings and have an Al-anon support group for yourself. I am glad you came here too get it off your chest. My sponsor got me through the worst of it! Sending you much love and support!

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, good question. I know my hubby's sponsor and his wife by now. He has been there for 12 years. We now can vacation together. We do take cruises together and it is nice to have 2 couples to travel together (them and us). Also they can have imprompty meetings during the week of the cruise. I have also found that my hubby will go to more "Friends of Bill" meetings on the ship when his sponsor is there.

I don't talk to his sponsor about his sobriety EVER. When I am feeling snarky I may put in a snarky remark..... it is always in response to some attitude that I may be receiving from the hubby.... even after 12 years there is that (and I am human)! I have never said anything about recovery, the process, the "talk", the steps, or anything that would be specifically about my hubby, to the sponsor. I'm sure he wouldn't say anything and I would end up being embarrassed. I avoid the embarrassment and don't have the talk.

It was hard at first. I was sooooo angry that the meetings, the steps and the sponsor didn't hold the hubby to a higher standard, but then I learned more about recovery in my own program and I learned (and internalized) that recovery is so personal and so specific to the one who is saying the words of the steps. Sometimes there are other personality traits that get in the way. The program and the sponsor are not in charge of that. I can only stay friends with the sponsor and his wife and appreciate that they really are nice people and fun to travel with.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Friend

Many years ago (Before aIanon) I did call my husband's alcohol councilor with the same information . The response was----" What do you expect me to do?"

I was really upset by that but then realized that he too was powerless over this disease. I needed to call my sponsor and keep the focus on myself

It worked.

FriendT · Newbie

Thank you he is powerless. It wouldn't do any good. AH has to call when he is ready. I feel so hopeless and lost and so scared.

FriendT · Newbie

Breakingfree wrote:
I hope you are attending meetings and have an Al-anon support group for yourself. I am glad you came here too get it off your chest. My sponsor got me through the worst of it! Sending you much love and support!

No I don't have a sponsor. Funny thing is there is a lady that is dual enroled in al-Anon and AA, she is very involved in both and knows my husband very well and I work with her now. So escaping his secret I would have to go to Al-Anon in another state. I don't know, maybe she can be quiet. She is a sweet person and very caring and smart. I would like to have a sponsor and support. I have been to AA meetings and the meetings opened my eyes to their world alot. Now I need medning in my own. My heart as you all know is heavy heavy heavy with fear hurt anger and missing the love we had together.

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