The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He freaking just showed up. He is obnoxious and asking me what is for lunch, then turned on the stereo I have to get through this day without reacting. My daughter has my car, otherwise I would leave. I don't get this disease. It's really bizarre and seems to enjoy taking others along for the ride.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
I tried. He won't go. But, then he started asking me for ten dollars. Ugh. I can't believe I am this deep into a relationship this sick. I feel stuck right now. I don't know which way to go? I want a complete separation right now. But, as soon as I think he is gone, he shows back up. I went out and got myself some sushi, and brought it home to eat. I am trying to just keep going like normal. He is pissed that I didn't get him any.
I honestly am lost right now about which way to act, react? Nothing I do works. If I ignore him he tells me I am rude and I should answer him. If I answer him he calls me a prude. If he asks me a question and I answer without looking he tells me he would help me financially if I wasn't such a bitch.
It's worthless to say anything or not say something. It's insane. This disease is killing me, killing my spirit. I can go to a meeting and come home feeling pretty good, and then bam, he just works me until I break.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
That for me would be a hands off situation...keep my hands off of her and call 911 to get him out of the house. Then go get a TRO at the local child and family care office. ((((hugs)))) ugh the disease is soooo self centered.
'he just works me until I break.' That's what they do, isn't it? i get that, and I try to switch off, sometime it works, most of the time it doesn't, because they know exactly where to trigger your emotions. I really don't want to talk about 'them' , as they were aliens...actually everybody wears a little bit of this illness inside, don't we. Otherwise we wouldn't stick around them in the first place. So i Think one has to start with oneself, doing good to oneself, working and fighting for oneself. That's like training the ' healthy selfishness'...yes, and switching off to the whining next door, to accusations, ...all they want after all is someone to blame, instead of themselves. They are not taking responsibility, and can't as such deal with consequences. But you can, still...because alcohol is not in your body. You have a clear heart, clear blood, clear mind.... think and act for you first...no matter how he takes it...even if love is there, it's not enough in this case anyway. So give that love to yourself first....we are not made to save others if they don't want to be saved. assist if he really asks for it...ignore if he is abusing...and YES it is god damn hard! just going through myself, today is a good day, a fighting day, a selfish day...and the sun is shining....today. i guess, One day at the time, yes, even one hour at the time. he is confused, he is lost... don't let it drip to you!! NO , the magic word. keep it up, be gentle and take a rest, you deserve it! greetings
Thanks everyone. I am just in such a confused state of mind. He is still here, and still drinking. He is being sweet, but he stinks like alcohol. He is trying to sell all of his tools on Craigslist. I guess he is going to retire? (He owns a handyman business.) The whole thing is insane. I guess he has some big plans to go back East. His daughter, sisters and ex all live on the East Coast. His sponsor won't return his calls. I guess even a sponsor can know when enough is enough?
I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. All of this is really weighing me down. He brought me breakfast in bed. (A glimpse at the man I fell in love with.) I miss the man that I made plans for a life with, the sober one. After all these years in recovery (with a million relapses), you would think that the life we have together, after being reunited after 27 years, would be bigger, stronger, and more powerful than alcoholism.
Ok, I got to do something with myself. It took all I have to even get out of bed and shower this morning.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
My A son is also into roofing/home repair type business -- many of his important tools are in the pawn shop, welder, torches, gauges, chop saw..etc, etc. He had a large panel/tool truck in storage - couldn't pay the storage bill & lost that!! The powerwasher is still in the tool shed but only because until he repays me for it's purchase, it isn't his to pawn.
Working independently like our guys are doing, gives them the opportunity to take time off work for their regularly scheduled binges. It's such a shame too, cause my son is soooo good at what he does = I've seen some of the tile work he's done and it's next to amazing.
Be kind to yourself today - you deserves nothing less than peace & serenity.
