The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A couple of weeks ago, I injured my hand - was cleaning out one of those box fans & accidentaly stuck my thumb right into the darned fan blades - cut & mangled it pretty bad & had to go to ER. I've been on pain pills for almost two wks and found myself taking another pill even when I was totally conscience of the fact that I didn't need one but dealing with the active A's behaviour it was easier to numb-out than to detach. Now, I did have a lot of pain but with almost every pill I swallowed, that inner voice was saying ''ya know, a tylenol & an ice pack will work just as well".. I literally hate the feeling that comes with narcotic meds - but swallow I did!!
Went to get my stitches out on Thurs and told myself I would not ask the Dr for a refill - but if she had offered, I think I would have accepted -- had this all worked out in my head!!
Even tho I stayed well under the prescribed dosage, I'm beating myself up. What keeps going thru my mind is '''you are no better than the A in your life'' - ''if it's ok for you to numb-out, how can you criticize him", etc, etc.
I think I've been given a lesson on judgmentalism with a dose of humility tossed in. But for the Grace of God, there go I.
We all have the potential for addictions i believe. I have been addicted to coca cola, coffee, food, addicts, i have a few obsessive compulsive traits. What i read is a finding of empathy for the addiction process
Good self assessment
Thank you for examining your motives and sharing with such honesty.
I do believe that we are extremely hard on ourselves and compare our behavior and legitimate need for pain medicine to the addicts escape from reality.
Your injury sounds painful. Please be gentle with yourself while you recover.
I've done this as well .. you need to take care of yourself and not be in so much pain. So please don't injure yourself further or be in unnecessary pain just out of a sense of you have to be in pain.
I appreciate your honesty because i've had this conversation with myself as well.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The hand is healing nicely - still can't quite get over what a stupid accident it was but to look on the bright side......I still have my thumb and the best part is that I haven't had to wash dishes for two whole wks
