The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My grandmother died a very lonely bitter isolated old woman today I know this is because she lived with an alcohlic my grandad and her son was an alcoholic.
On the other hand my ex mother in law who was same age and grew up with my grandmother had a very positive outlook on life even though she faced lots of hurendus things in life sons with addiction, death of husband to cancer, grandson death to cancer, one son gambler, another drugs another an abuser and the death of her daughter inb a fire at 21 leaving her two boys to raise.
neither of these woman had a programme
Before i met the alcoholic i believe that I saw the brighter side to life even when bad stuff happened. After years of living with alcoholism I know i have become more negative this is something I fight I do not want to end up like my grandmother god love her. I get rid of resentment, go to meetings pray etc etc. then something else happens and I go down again it feels like a constant battle. I have decided for my own mental health to remove myself as my ABF is active.
the subject this morning in my meeting was gratitude i have so so much to be grateful for yet alcoholism made me blind to this. Today I am sitting here feeling good because again i took some al anon medicine and it helped me to look at the things i am grateful for and hand the rest over. somehow my ex mother in law god rest her soul had a knack for gratitude even without al anon.
Before alanon I could not even utter the word "Gratitude" . Some how, living with this disease had so warped my "attitude and belief system " that I believed that being grateful lessened the recognition of my efforts and me. When I attempted to writhe a gratitude list at the request of my sponsor I could not find One thing to be grateful for.
She suggested, : That I was breathing, could walk could talk as a start. This list grew and I could finally say the word and intellectually acknowledge my gratitude. The day I could actually "Feel" grateful felt like another miracle. of this program
I know that changing my inner attitude is essential to my recovery so that I never skip my daily gratitude list. Even as I am riding the subway or bus I often go to it in my mind and review all the good HP has bestowed on me It truly makes the ride faster and more pleasant.
Exactly what I needed to hear this morning after a very rough night/morning with our AD. So easy to get complacent; and Betty is right - start being grateful fo the most basic of things. Truly this path we are on with our A's has a purpose we surely cant figure out, so I can leave that to my HP along with my daily gratitude.
