The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all my exab rang me yesterday on way home from a course he was attending, it was late and he was slurring I said spaek to you in couple of days you are slurring.
He text when i hung up and said o.k had a shandy. He then rang again from a pub closer to home.
He turned up at my house at 2am ringing the bell, shouting, kicking the door throughing stones at the window. I opened the window and told him to leave. he was getting more and more agressive.
I got out a al anon Cd and listened to it iwth my head phones it was hard to change my old behavior in the past I would have opened the door but today i know where that leads.
After 20-30 mins he left txting saying he would be back when he had gotten cigs.
So today he will have missed his course etc etc.
I just want out I surrender there is nothing I can do. I love him but have tried for 7 years. Thank god for al anon and all that I have been taught, i try to stop contact but always end up taking the bait. I really have to stop sending mixed messages and get in reality he is so ill and I can not make him better. I am feeling really well in my own recovery and experiencing a little survivors guilt but on other hand he knows where the help is.
I can't imagine how hard the situation is for you.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
aaah, my friend, how beautiful for YOU, how you had the courage to practice something different, to care for YOURSELF, I love that!!
We have the choice to put that oxygen mask on. I am powerless if others refuse it. Only a power Greater than myself can manage the disease of alcoholism, it was never in my power, nor was it EVER my responsibility to save or rescue anyone. No human power can relieve an alcoholic, I didn't know that.
What I hear you saying, serenity is a gift you don't want to return. I am totally with you, and I applaud you, thanks for sharing your recovery ((hugs))
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I'm sorry, I'm feeling pretty heartbroken myself right now so I understand. I'm glad you were able to remove yourself, you did great. I'm learning that Al Anon is about learning. As long as we keep moving forward, that's the right direction. Sometimes we might slip back a step, but we never stop, because our sanity depends on learning.
I switch my phone to "aeroplane " mode when somehow is harassing me like that. When they can't get through on the phone its pretty amazing they go away.
Of course they get angry first and feel abandoned but nothing like as abandoned as I felt throughout the whole relationship. Alcohol cushions all that.
I used to care more about issues like the A getting to a course than I did my desire for sleep and rest and to be out of chaos. Now I don't.
I also used to beat myself to smithereens about what I did wrong. There isn't a "wrong" response there isn't a mixed message to send to an A because they don't listent to any messages they just want they want.
For me now if someone doesn't hear my "no" they get no response from me. I don't entertain them. I don't do any thing more than one word. That's it. If they can't hear "no" there isn't a relationship anyway there is their need and that's about it.
The funny thing is I don't have to raise my voice to reinforce the "no" I just stop interacting with them. I stop acknowledging them. I stop chit chatting I stop pretending its okay that they don't hear my "no".
