The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been reading through the posts lately and I see many discussions that brought me back to my days living with the AH.
It is amazing how powerful this disease is. It takes over this one single, unfortunate person and turns them into the axis of their family and friends. If the A isn't happy, then by gosh, no one around him or her can be, either. You'd better step up and HELP the A or else. If the A is doing great, then dangit, everyone else needs to stay out of his or her business.
They hop up and down demanding attention and when they get it, they damn well do NOT want it unless it suits the disease's purpose to continue leeching the life out of the A.
I cannot tell you how many nights I spent at home, either waiting for the A to finally get home after he said he'd be home five hours ago. I would only feel relief once he came through the door, and then I'd greet him with outrage. "I'm so glad you're okay... you selfish JERK!!"
Or I remember spending days at the office fretting over some insignificant issue that alcoholism turned into a tragedy due to warped perceptions.
Alcohlism is a terrible disease. It steals the life of the A and it sucks the life out of the people who care about the A, as well.
I am grateful to Al-Anon. It granted me a slow, measured pace to serenity. I stopped waiting up for the A to come home when he'd call and say he'd be home. I called my sponsor for some perspective when a minor issue started blowing out of proportion and regained my sanity. I hit meetings when I was feeling like I was completely alone and isolated.
Most important I learned and started to practice that knowledge that I had my OWN life to live and the quality of my day did NOT have to be determined by someone else's mood or behavior. When the A told me "jump", I never had to respond with "how high?" again.
Thank you to this program. I'm so grateful it gave me back my life. But wow, I sure need to keep coming back, because I know it's extremely easy for me to forget those learned lessons and suddenly allow myself to decide my day cannot be a good one because someone outside of me is spinning out.
Wonderful share! I recently separated from my AH and as painful as it is sometimes, it is so refreshing to come home and not have to "take the temperature" of the house when I walk in the door. I practiced alot of detachment, but was never able to master it when he was in our home. The aura in our home when he was around was always off. Now it is peaceful. I wouldn't have been able to do it without the support of the program. Thank you, Alanon and HP:)
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Namaste~
"For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare
(((((Aloha))))) great reminder post. I've even heard that question put almost the same way you have done it here. Why indeed? and then...I had to learn that it was really what I was doing before I could corrected with what I was learning in the rooms of Al-Anon. "No one has the power to destroy your peace of mind and serenity...unless you let them". That was the final lesson before the practices began.
Thank you so much for sharing! I can totally relate to 'taking the temperature' at home and determining what mood I'd be dealing with that day. I'm on vacation now and it's absolutely wonderful.
I am reminded daily of what it takes to keep hope in my life rather than dread. I lived with dread, fear and anger most of the time with the now ex A. I don't have that 24/7 anymore.
Thank you so much Aloha. It's always heartening to me to 'hear' the kind of encouragement you have to offer. The positive parts and outcomes of the program are what keep me coming back. It has been a long , wide, far reaching journey, and I am so thankful for folks like you .
