The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sad. I know now that I can no longer stay married to my AW. I had been keeping it in the back of my mind for some time, not wanting to make a rash decision. I have been trying my best to make myself better but I cannot do it with her in my day to day life .I have been trying to make our marriage better but she only takes advantage of it. I have been surviving, waiting for clarity.
This morning while watering the garden the serenity prayer came into my heart. I have used the the words many times & it has helped me, but this was different. I UNDERSTOOD it. Every word was going into my in my heart.
I have to turn her over to her higher power. I cannot fix her. I cannot fix our marriage by myself. It hurts so much to see her progress so far into a person she was not & would not have wanted to be. the disease has taken over her & I cannot fix it. I am so sad. I hope she finds happiness one day, but I cannot give it to her. I have to let her go. I am so sad.
OH Country Boy, my heart breaks for you...and your AW. Even as i feel the sadness in your voice, I can sense that you have it together, and that you will soon be at peace with the decision you have made.
I am getting ever closer to making this same decision myelf. Maybe I am still, after all the years, trying to "fix" him, but it is becomming clearer and clearer to me that I cannot. But I CAN fix myself. So can you, CB.
My positive thoughts and energy go with you on your journey. I send you best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Learning to "Let go absolutely" and stay in the present was very very hard for me also and then I learned that not even my HP held on as hard and as long in the way I did. My HP was always "letting go and Letting Jerry". I had my choices and my consequences and for that I was responsible. Letting go, for me, was learning a God thing. When I let go the future finally arrived and one day in the future she was clean and sober...for her and had a program of recovery for her by her which was nothing like I would have had her do from me. Get a Just for Today program pamphlet and read it and start your own life. It is okay...it will continue to be so. ((((hugs))))
I am so sorry for the pain you are in. It does get better. Whatever you do keep coming back .. with or without my STBXA I really need to be here in this 12 step program.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Thank you all for all your support! I never thought reading words on a screen could touch me so deeply. Yesterday I turned her over to her higher power. I went to my Thursday meeting & when I got home last night, she told me she contacted a person who runs a recovery meeting to talk this Saturday. Wow! Didn't see that coming! I'm so confused. Maybe turning her over wasn't to start ending our marriage but to start her road to recovery. Maybe I'm just in for another part of the roller coaster ride. I will have to be patient & see what comes of it. This disease is so freaking confusing! I was so convinced of something yesterday, with just a slight crack in the door for a different outcome & the super low percentage thing is knocking.
Actions, not words. But this is the first action I've really seen from her, I hope she shows me a lot. I'm gonna stay with the program & make myself better in the meantime with VERY CAUTIOUS optimism.
Thank you all again, it helped so much! Country Boy
I would encourage you to hold your program even closer right now. No one knows the outcome of the situation, except your HP!!
VERY CAUTION OPTIMISM is wonderful with a LARGE dose of NO EXPECTATIONS attached!! I'm so glad she is making the decision to go on Saturday!!
Recovery is a slow process for all of us, ... alcoholic or as a co-dependent/enabler. Everyone is right where they need to be in their own recoveries.
Hold on and look to your HP, program and support as you continue on this journey. Her recovery is her business. You deserve to have serenity, peace and calm with or without your A regardless of if she drinks or not.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Brother...just keep repeating this thought in your mind, body, spirit and emotions..."I don't see the problem as HP sees the problem and so can't see the solution that HP finds necessary. I will come to understand later".
Reflecting on those same thoughts. After 3 years of a bad marriage of alcohol and drugs too AH became sober for the next 4 years. During those wonderful years we bought a house, I am starting a dog breeding business,"I love poodles," but today he has sounded that familiar sound of long ago, radical behavior, and now not home and renting a room in another town, having his own little party byhimself. So,,,,I don't think I can do this anymore. My love is fading on it's own kinda like a candle that is being blown out by someone. I ponder in my head, "should I leave, look for another home, welcome him in hopes of change?" I want to call his sponsor, that was my question I had to start with that brought me to this msg board. Should I call his sponsor for help in hopes of intervention after the fact? He cares and respects his sponsor. I don't know what turned him back. We were all good, no fussing, my son has moved out, which the both were happy over. I want to call my AH sponsor in hopes of seeing if there is any hope at all.
I don't mean to hijack your post but thank you. I'm glad i'm not alone. I told my wife four days ago that our relationship and marriage was over because of her drinking. She went off the edge, checked into a hotel and began drinking dawn till dusk for three days. I still couldn't pull myself away. I was afraid of having to tell our children she was in the hospital or dead. It was that bad. Yesterday she checked into a detox center, then onto a three month inpatient treatment center tomorrow. Tomorrow is our wedding annivesary...how ironic. I have never sought help till today actually right now.
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IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS GOT
