The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So, I'm a newbee here. Not from a alcoholic home, but grew up with a Schizophrenic father. My mother, brother and I ran away from home in 1988. I'm 40, married for 16 years and have an 11 year old son. I have everything going for me in theory. A good hubby, straight A, wonderful kid, a good full time job, a fun part time job, friends AND I just lost 70 lbs.
So why am I sooo unhappy and feel out of control? Why do I sweat the small stuff all the time? Is it from the trama of growing up with a crazy, sick father and a very codependant mother?
I'm not looking for the quick answer, just wondering if I will ever feel normal and happy???
I don't want my son to end of like me.
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 5th of July 2012 11:39:54 AM
Welcome! Im sorry to hear you are so unhappy. I dont have a real answer for that...but I do have a thought. If your life was chaotic, and your mother was codependent...it might be worth it to look into codepency. If you google codependents anomymous, it would be pretty easy to find a list of traits and patterns of a codependent. If they ring true, or if they cause a strong reaction of any sort even if its "there is no way in heck that I am like that!!!"...you will probably be on to something. I hope you find happiness. You are seeking, and thats good.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. I hear you and can understand. I too had many wonderful happy positive gifts in my life and could not truly feel the appreciation of them. Deep within I felt only anger, resentment, self pity and fear. I always saw the glass as half empty.
Alanon tools:. Living One Day at a Time, Focused on myself, the Steps, A Sponsor, Meetings , Gratitude and Asset lists finally shifted my inside attitudes and I can feel serenity, courage, and joy.
I urge you to check out alanon Face to Face meetings in your community and attend.
Change is painful, even if it is for the good. Don't worry, you may feel unhappy now. You may also ask for help. Arebyou going to face to face meetings?
I grew up with a schizophrenic father and a mother who was really pretty psychotic. My younger sister became an alcoholic at 16. My elder sister became a manical controlling bully. You bet your life I had problems.
I brought all that baggage with me into my life and its still there but now I turned it around so that I'm in charge rather than giving my power away to everyone else.
I have had to work really hard on getting to acceptance. One of the suggesitons which I absolutely hated was to write down every day what I'm grateful for. Believe me I bristled at that for so long. Then I started doing it with the help of a friend. If I did it on my own I certainly wouldn't do it. That helped.
I also became willing to work on al anon points. I know I was very angry at other people all the time. Now I have self preservation and boundaries I don't seethe in resentment day in day out. I set boundaries. I hold to those boundaries. I think about ways to protect myself.
I'm glad you are here and reaching out for help and understanding. There is lots here.
Everything used to bother me too much and after working my Al-anon program for over a year I am more at peace with all the drama around me. Melody Beattie has some great books on codependency. I hope you can make it to some face to face meetings and feel whole. Sending you love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
