The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Man everyday around here is so bipolar. Seriously. I went to work yesterday, and AF did all the laundry, cleaned the patio, the garage. He finally was up and about. I had a very crazy day at work. I am an RN, and between the holiday and the full moon it was insane. Work was so busy. At the end of my 12 hour shift, they asked if I could stay over. I just didn't have it in me. I know when I am at my limit. I work 7a-7p. I had a 30 minute break at 1130, and no other breaks all day. I was spent, dehydrated, and over it.
I came home to my AF being a total A#$%. I even turned my phone on and videoed him. I want to look at it again when I am clearer. He was just all over the map about our life, and what I do wrong. How I don't do any work around here, etc. This from a guy that went on a bender for most of May and then again the end of june. He probably made 600.00 bucks since May. While my job is paying for everything. But, he is going to tell me what is wrong with me. I just sat there, with the video on and felt sorry for him. He finally got so mad at me for not fighting back that he asked for his engagement ring.
I am so tired of that ring being his weapon. I do love the ring, but not the life that goes with it. We have had this arguement before, and when things calm down, I always ask for my ring back. This time, I need to forget about the stupid ring. It obviously has no meaning at this point in our life. I am sick of allowing myself to let that ring have false meaning.
By the time I went to bed he followed me and curled up next to me like some sad little puppy dog. I was so tired I fell asleep in seconds. This morning, we haven't spoken.
I need to figure out where I go from here, and letting him belittle me, confuses my thoughts. It scatters my head and I can't think clearly about what I need to do for me.
__________________
Katfshh
~The most beautiful sunsets are made by cloudy skies~
Everyone on these boards has their own version of that story. With me it was a house I loved. Finally, I realized that waiting for him to get sober or die so I could have the house was really destructive to me.
What does the ring represent to you? Is it the life you have now - or the life you want and deserve.
...By the time I went to bed he followed me and curled up next to me like some sad little puppy dog.
Sure they're cute when their asleep, so are most things. It's what happens when they are awake that matters. A last word....Maybe this was supposed to happen on Independence Day...
My son hasn't contributed anything toward household expense in over two months & just buys vodka instead but the other day he had the cojones to scold me for paying too much for 1/2 of milk that I picked up at a little neighborhood store because I didn't feel like going to the big store where it was cheaper. If I repeated what I said to him, I'd probably get banned from the forum
Good point about the Independence Day coincidence. It may be Independence Day for 2 of us here. Just had my husband use the breathalyzer and his BAC is 0.12+. this. Breathalyzer only goes to 0.12 but the + sign means it's higher. I hadn't mentioned getting the breathalyzer because it's getting away from it's their problem, take care of you but we were constantly going through the you're drinking, I am not dance. I NEED to know the facts to make a decision and now I know. After all we have been through especially in the past year, he is drinking again and now that I am no longer wondering and questioning my conclusions, I have to decide what to do. I was very proud of myself. I kept my voice down and told him that I wasn't going to let the boys know what was going on so their day wouldn't be ruined but that once again he had ruined ours. I have decided I have had enough and plan to talk rationally, no screaming, about the fact that I am making the choice to no longer live with this. I have done all that I know to do and the only option is detaching so much that it no longer feels like a partnership. I need security and I don't have that with him. I feel like his job is a thing that he will lose eventually due to his drinking and I don't have enough faith in how he will be from minute to minute to even plan a beach trip next month. Ready to move on and look into foster care on my own. Hope I can really stick to my guns and not chicken out. VERY scarey and sad.
__________________
"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G Llewellyn
Katfish, you are singing my song girl. My AH behaves exactly the same way, it is so frustrated to work hard all day only to come home to more work. No rest for the weary. The ups and downs of their moods are tiring and depressing. Try to focus on yourself and working your program. I am working thru mine and hopefully once I get to a healthier place THEN I can make a decision to stay or go. I know right now I am not strong enough to leave knowing the firestorm that will follow. Be strong, you are not alone. We all understand more than anyone else in the world. Hugs and prayers. sg
For me-after years of thinking about it- I suddenly could go. My HP stood behind me and it was clear.I learned a lot from that. You can't do it until you're ready. Just wait when it's time to go...you'll know it's the right thing for you Hugs
