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Thank you so very much for walking with me on this difficult journey. Court was today and I'm a little confused what my STBXA (soon to be ex alcoholic) thought was going to happen? He apparently feels blindsided and I could see a serious look of defeat on him today after court.
I am in a really weird place and have no wish to offend anyone .. I wish I could say I feel compassion for my spouse .. I really wish I could. I just don't .. he dug his hole and is not happy with the view and continues to create more hardship for himself because of the consequences of his choices. I feel like I should feel bad and sorry for him. I feel like I should feel something and I just don't feel anything.
I'm going to try to help him out with something .. and see if that will buy him a little financial relief. What I have tried over and over to tell him is that in our state it doesn't matter what the lawyers say .. it's up to the judge. Well, today the judge saw fit to award me and the kids a livable sum. I will be able to attend school and work part-time. I'm very very very grateful for this opportunity.
Maybe this will help me with my compassion with my AH I don't know .. what I do know is his behavior over the past 7 weeks has NOT been ok.
He's put the kids and I in a horrible position. I have wondered if we were going to be homeless. I've wondered how I'm going to feed the kids. How I have enough gas to get places. There are so many things that have come into play it's not even funny. I'm suppose to feel sorry he's going to have to move in with his mother .. umm .. not so much. I had told him that moving out into his own place probably wasn't a good idea at this point in the beginning. I'm just very cry me a river attitude.
Anyway, .. I"m soooo grateful to be done with this first hurdle there's another 10 to go.
It will be done soon and I am very very very grateful for this part of the deal. I will have an income I will be able to pay some bills and not be stressing out.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Pushka, I'm glad the outcome for you and the kids was positive. There is compassion in your post - but I really understand how you feel right now and it took me years to get past that same point. Hugs to you.
My exA is living with his sister...and has lost everything. His one source of pleasure is spending the money he got in the divorce. And, I don't feel badly. I'm just like "meh."
I think, for me, not feeling is a product of detaching...i just say "it is what it is" -- and I had to stop the hemorrhaging in the family (emotional, financial, etc) -- what is it that Dr. Phil says "someone has to step up and be the hero"? This is not the path I wanted, but it's the one I'm on. Same with him.
It's okay not to feel one way or another about it...it is what it is.
I am so glad you will be able to continue with school...had you on my mind all afternoon! thanks for the update...
The compassion will come someday as you are on that path and journey to healing. I'm very glad to hear that the judge saw what was going on and that things were positive for you and the kids. God's hand is always at work in our lives and I have been praying for you this week. One thing my AH always tells me is that he'll just give me all our cash, the house, etc. and that he'll pay for anything for ds if I were to ask for a divorce. I'm not so sure it would work out that way if I really did do that, divorce is final and I doubt he'd be that magnanimous in the end. Always good to be prepared, and you were!
Wow Pushka, I'm in much the same position! Soon to be ex not giving me money to support my kids. Doesn't call them. Is fighting me in spousal and child support. Court date soon. I have enrolled in school full time. Getting govt. assistance. Thank god for that! I remember when we were both enmeshed in our alcoholic mess marriages not too long ago. As stressful as the break up is, I am so glad to not be in that marriage anymore. This too shall pass and then we will be free sister!!!
I have to share and this is a huge huge lesson for me.
GG sister friend, .. it gets better as long as we suit up show up and let God show off. I hope you are taking steps to get at least temporary spousal and child support you deserve those things. It's part of the price that goes with being married and choosing to separate. I don't care if there is an A involved or not. After a length of marriage the children deserve to be supported by the parents in the way that best suits each parent. SAHP (P = Parent), working parent, whatever is in the kids best interest, that's exactly what needs to happen. I feel very very very strongly about that issue.
My spouse still can't figure out that child support is different than paying the bills. He's under the hallucination that if I get a job that relieves him of his responsibilities and the reality is that does not. Ditto on spousal support, he tried every trick in the book to make things miserable for me, especially the past 7 weeks. Including delaying court .. which is a dirty trick. Now he's legally responsible according to the court of law which he has stated over and over again he would pay what the courts ordered and now he's in serious shock.
I thank you all for your continued support and I only hope I offer and give even a 1/10 of what I receive from this board .. seriously .. without everyone here who has supported me and put their ESH on the board have helped reshape me in my thoughts and actions. Sugar and steel I am, fragile flower I am not, I am a warrior of the body, mind and spirit. I am more capable than I have every been given credit by either myself or others. I will continue to grow through this journey and walk to the best of my ability through the good times as well as the challenging ones. I am a very blessed woman. God (HP for clarification .. LOL) is everything or God is nothing .. and God truly is everything for me these days. Without that belief I know I would not be where I am today.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Oh my, I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who sometimes just doesn't feel. It seems as if I have none left. I love my A son but he has pushed me so far that at times I just don't care and don't feel bad. Of course, 5 minutes later I picture him and realize how bad he is hurting and I start to hurt.
