The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am realising that I do not have a very good relationship with myself.
It is better today thanks to fellowship but still has lots of room for improvement. Today I am trying to explore what i want need and what i do and do not want in my life. Any shares on how you built a good relationship with yourself while being considerate of others would be gratefully appreciated .
Knowing this is the first step in improving your relationship with yourself. I know at the beginning of my own journey I came to realize that I had not thought about myself for years. What did I want from life, what were my dreams and desires. All those questions got snuffed out dealing with my AH who consumed all of my energy. I am still working on it but am much better than aI was a year or two ago, I still have a long way to go. You are not alone, we all understand and are here for you. Stay strong, hugs and prayers. sg
I start each day in meditation. Meditation might mean different things to people. For me, it's a time to quiet my thinking and when thoughts do kick in, I just strive to observe them as if they're clouds passing over head. I focus on my breath, my body parts, and get very peaceful.
But before I meditate, I review my list of heart's desires. For example, be comfortable in my own skin, recognize when my ego is taking over (whose driving the bus), trust HP, no need to explain myself to others, stay calm and listen when criticized (this is a weakness for me right now; forgive; love deeply; focus on my inner drummer; respect the paths of others .......... It helps immensely to review my list at least once a day. It helps keep me on my path. The list changes as needed.
One of my goals is to always be considerate to others. However, I know there are times when I'm perceived as inconsiderate. I can't help how others interpret my actions. I know my motives; they do not. Accepting that others will not always perceive me as kind & considerate brings me peace.
It's all a process - I have renew every day.
Again, good question. I hope you get responses that will reasonate with you.
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
In one of the daily meditation books I read a little idea about treating oneself right. Imagine a cute little baby cat in your cupped hands. Imagine how you would treat it and love it. Now imagine you are this cute little baby cat. In my everyday life it is a bit difficult. A lot of negative thinking is somewhat hidden. It helps to talk to me in my mind as to the little cat. For example, if the cat does a mistake and falls, what would I say? I would not be angry, but say something loving, encourage it to stand up and try again.
I too am really noticing this right now. I have come a long way and at least acknlowledge I need self care now, more sleep, exercise, healthier food and more relax time these days. I am back into the go go go and not listening within. I like the ESH you received and needed to read this today!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
This is a great topic...necessary for growth and the responses are wide and right on. For me I came from not knowing who I was and what I was and had a great sponsor. My sponsor suggested that "If you want to know what the tree is like...talk to the farmer". My Mom was still alive and my HP presented me a no bailout opportunity to speak with her, the farmer, it was part of my inventory steps...the me on me, the me with me, the me about me and the me wanting to change me for the better. When you know where you come from you will know who you are and the relationship with yourself/myself becomes honest and real and understandable.
The me journey started at birth, where, when, how...what was going on, ...what tribe of people...religions...schools etc...and of course the alcoholism that was pervasive on bothsides of the family and how it affected the relatives and myself. I was told I needed to know this and I was told right. I know how to have a relationship with myself and I know how to be responsible for myself also.
It started at the doors of the Al-Anon Family Groups and continues there and with MIP. Mahalo Akua...Thank You God.
Im really struggling with this as well. I'm chewing on the idea that many spiritual masters teach. That I have drawn into my life things that reflect how I feel about myself. If that is the case, well...yea. In addition to the 4.5 year relationship that I kept myself in ending and all the fall out emotions from that...I'm losing friends who I have given my power to as well. Because, I don't want them to have it anymore, and I don't know how to react with people anymore because I have come to realize I have done it all wrong. And I have hurt people in many, many ways. And, my job security is very up in the air. A job that I kept because he and I worked together, not because it really offers me any growth or financial security. All.my.fault. All of it. My therapist says yes I made some choices, but I have had plenty of help. It all becomes a circle. I hate myself, so I attract bad things. The bad things confirm that I am indeed worthless and stupid, so I continue to hate myself and draw bad things in. I really don't have any idea what to do. How does one forgive oneself for being such a fake, inauthentic person? And for enabling? And for letting others make my decisions? And for hurting others with my horrible life tools of being a martyr, a victim, a hero, and a savior? Bleh. I'm just about ready to just push everyone away and start over. Today, and maybe I just need to hear myself say it...when I hear that God don't make no junk, I think to myself that who ever said that hadn't met me.
So, thank you for asking the question. I appreciate it. I'm in that place today.
I struggle with that myself cuz my feelings are always all over the place I get so emotional sometimes. I know in my brain what I'm supposed to do but i wind up doing the opposite.
I love this topic but for me my relationships start with my connection with my HP first when I am in sinc with the God of my understanding I can now start to look at myself , then my family , so for me its God first then myself . Boundaries help with all my other relationships today I decide how I will be treated and have to be prepared to give what I ask for in others .I feel my only responsibiltiy to others is to respect where thier at accept them as they are and love them anyway . just my opinion . Louise
